resurfacing

I almost skip a year not to post anything here, not to mention last time i do that was almost 2 years ago. Why now, the answer will be just kinda obvious. Human... when things happened :p knocking the head & hearts out. 

I dont want to talk about the world. That it almost certain, these past 2 years will be historical. All and all, the world globally is still in the covid era, so pretty much everything is still under construction, inside out. However locally, every now and then, covid seems quite away, alhamdulillah. And life already seems moved on, bring out several big adjustment i guess. Its the new normal they say; where things will never be the same anymore. This pandemic hits economically, socially, culturally. It kinda brings some kind of new pattern of living, new realization of self, new sense of perspective... 

After i shocked myself for how dark i can write (after a pretty long while :")) again, and after i decided to undo it, for good, i have something concluded. We don't have forever to tell, to acknowledge and to deliver. When, insyaallah, in my case it was some good graceful renewal that i would choose to count or dwell in over anything gloomy grey, I supposed not to wait or delay writing it again.

In the beginning of this pandemic, i kinda wish that we will survive this well, gaining some inside strength and knowledge, so that anytime we can come back stronger. Its now been around 2 years since 1st covid hits in China. Almost 2 years since dear son went to school. But just recently, we human really started to have high hopes for life resumed back normally, or new normal, because yea, there are many life-changing stuff happened in the world. From humans wearing masks, to the latest is the meta verse, and  still there are quite much in between... However I will just nod my stuffs. That it seems pretty weird if not bitter, but hopefully awesome, for it to happen just during this time. 

I gain my 5 prayer routines :) its far from perfect. Im still struggling with praying outside home, but i really really hope i can improve that. As for now, this stay-at-home mindset is really helpful for me to make up them all. Its kinda easier to set up schedules around the time of the prayer, not the other way around like life before covid. May i could always guard them well, for the rest of my life...

The notable part is the fajr prayer, which was kinda my final struggle, after the other 4. I gain it by fulfilling request from dear husband who wanted to start his prayer too. When fajr was my hardest, he said it seems like the most delightful time to start. So he asked me to wake him up everyday to do his fajr pray... and so, how could i not :") bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Other than that, im back into yoga. Its been around 3 months, now i exercise pretty much everyday, well 5-6 days a week i'd say. No certain schedules, because i intend it to be in my daily routine, for life. Ive set up my mind. I like how it gives a good sense to my body, and mind and soul too, no matter how slow and low my progress toward skills and poses. Merely in a time like this, I see how i totally do need it. It really helps me making a better sense of life... Life goes up and down and age keeps on the go. Thats why in the long run, id dedicate it for peoples i love too. Me being healthy and sane (and sexy maybe ^__^) may it bring goodness for them too. 

In the same route for my better physical condition, im now too giving more awareness towards my eating and metabolism. Yes im still in that level, raising awareness. And struggling too, due to my lifetime habbit for not being mindful at eating AND preparing a proper meal... so id really put this on my list, for a lifetime improvement.

Another related physical matter, also one of the reason why i would do everything above, for them all to be well sustained for life, is skincare matter. My lifetime hedgehog nose is now gone gone gone =D ive started doing facial treatment. Its quite a rob, but yes its impactful. And he said its just worth it. So lets just be happy about it. However i realize its not such a one night deal. May i can maintain that, inside out. Well like basically everything, i have a lot to work on ^^ i feel its a good thing tho.

Story in short is, i hope im on my way to be more sophisticated female person inside out, towards my duty as a wife, a mother, and abd of Allah SWT... The only one whom i found myself could and would lay myself on. The One who keep taking a good care of me, giving delighting signs and guides every now and then, whenever and however im being silly and weak and lost and flawful. The One who keep gifting me the greatest, to the point i think i couldnt or wouldnt articulate it... (because its so personally mindblowing) That all everything happened (for me), since the very first beginning, are (always) very meticulously well-crafted, and by far is trully for me. 

For making me happy. For my goals, and greater goal, even without leaving out my worldy needs i missed out. For making this flawful me great, even in the way id like it to be... because He loves me, knows and understands me exactly, as no one ever be. That in my tough times it keeps tickling me hard, for how clueless i can be. And to Him is the only one i could always turning back, safely and peacefully... Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin.

This moment is kinda like my second chapter of life, in the theme of loving by the name of Allah SWT. I stumbled on this one phrase In one of the book package i got last month (which come in such incredible timing, again, since the very first time i found it, or it found me). Its about He is being Al Mughni, The Enricher, who can enrich us to the point that we can wholeheartedly love people, but ultimately our dependency is on Him. That phrase really got me personally. That someway somehow (finally) i can too wholeheartedly fell down down down, nothing to hide, nothing to lose, nothing left. Its like... even He lets me doing what i like, and still being available for me in the most beautiful and senseful way :" i dont mean to preach. Its just, how can i not. Laa ilaaha illallahu Allahu akbar...

I cry and tell and ask Him a lot lately O__O and what i ask is nothing less than the best, here and after. That if i go furthermore on my words here, due to my nature, i worry id become weak again. So really, basically bless is all that. For myself, for peoples i love and love me, for others, for myself toward others... i want to do right, and good, and nice, and really, nothing but the best for the others. Just because ~~~ i cant explain.

What i have to tell here is how thankful and grateful i am, of all everything happened recently. Maybe its an awkward gesture, but really, its kinda like a necessary revelation... however its so, tough ~~~ May i always able to keep on  peacefully striving, progressing, fulfilling, for good, as best. May we always able to find our true ground and work it, for good, as best. All by the name of Allah SWT. Amen.

part closure

Year 2020 started so messy. Heavy flood right on the day 1. And hashtag worldwar3 trending even before week 1. An iranian shia politician dead. One super power president, as his usual, made a happy statement over a tragedy. Then there were people swearing and a nuclear deal. Still we're not yet on point. Too many niches. While locally, people seems forget how to complain about things, and keep on offensing on personal matter. Too many hatred. Too many intrigues. Too many layers. Meanwhile, im just whining.

I dont mean to start negatively, but duuuudeeee..... #worldwar3 on day 3 ?!? Zzzzzz who needs fiction nowadays. 

(Just kissed my baby good night) ...of all conspiracy theory ive read, of all quran tafsir ive heard, of all vision ive had, of all dreams ive planned... i cant even tell what tomorrow, like literally tomorrow, will bring. And while im feeling so little here, im making a plan, for like almost a decade later. Investing this, renovating that. Education this, vacation that. Still i shower myself with all those information slash knowledge though. All that, maybe im just trying to keep myself busy. Questions are actually simple. Will we actually make it until next decade? As a person. As a nation. As citizen of the world. As a creation of The Almighty. I wonder if theres any point in what i do. But i did. That way, may it happened for good.

We human never not juggling between things, do we? Its a privilege, having a pause to notice how busy we are. Alhamdulillah.

My dear little man, in every layer of every era, in every path of every choice, in every moment of now and then, in every journey of every you, may you always find and walk your truest way back home to Allah SWT. This one not easy to even describe, really ...Al Fatihah. There you actually have it all, what im trying to tell.

Just later on, may you have the chance to have your journey through the whole quran... Sigh. This flawful me feels like crying reading my own pray. I dont know how, but really, may i too have the chance to have my journey throught the whole quran... Sometimes, it really is not easy even just to ask and pray. So many thing left unspoken ...May Allah SWT bless you always baby son, here, there, and ever after. For all those things that really matter, never give up. Amen.

The Wish

I was so close for being naughty today. So close. That close. Until it was only in seconds i switched back to things i supposed to do. Things i scheduled to do. Things i was not feeling i was actually into. Not that its so important too, but yes they're things i supposed to do. Alhamdulillah that or this all just come easy. Alhamdulillah.

I almost skip class mommies meeting today, as i already confirm to come to them, and my dearest two. Just like skipping class back then in my school year, once in a particular while, when i just want to be gone. That easy. So easy. But anyway, now im on my way there. I'll be late and still trying to be my content self.

Actually i could just go to the nearest mall and do useful stuff though. I planned to deposit some cash, to have my haircut (that already postponed for months), to find a laser pointer for the boy, to go to pharmacy getting another testpack, and grab my favorite local coffee while waiting school pickup time. That easy. So easy. I might regret my decision and i'm not really into these mommies anyway. But im already on my way anyway. My wiser autopilot way, hopefully.

I was crying this late morning. Crying for something like i havent done it for pretty long. I was sad. Upset. Afraid. Worry. Pity. Wishfulthinking. Well, maybe i still am. I feel my face is like swollen and its still kinda warm around my eyes. But i think i still am feeling positive. Its not like im in a deep shit or something, totally not. Alhamdulillah that or this all still come easy. Alhamdulillah.

I was just. Like. Making a wish. That i really want it to come true. I cant tell how bad. But maybe at least its bad enough to make me wanting to be gone. Turns out im not really used to make a wish. I pray for bless, peace, strength, love, and wisdom for each and everytime. But yeah, finally a particular wish do come. May it be for good. May it be for best. For each and everyone. Allahu akbar.

random buzz

I can be bubbly. But basically im not a bubbly person. Its too bad actually, because i love bubbly person. Im not being sarcastic ~as i unintentionally oftenly do~ but i admire them, i really do. I think bubbly person is nice, and positive, and good for the world, and even with a little knowledge they might possibly good for after world too. I think im always on my way trying to be bubblier.

My favorite movie is Good Will Hunting, maybe. But i always forget why, even sometimes i forget the plot. So i abort that. But then everytime i watch it again i understand how and why i made it my favorite, and also a slight of why i keep forgetting it. How do i heart it? It keeps punching me in the head and heart. Why do i forget? Because for me that same reasons/messages are even stronger than the plot and movie itself. The movie keeps heartlessly making me cry and frozen. Zzzzz.

Then why i keep (purposedly) forgetting ~then also aborting~ it as a my favorite? Because... its too much reminding me of me, all of the characters in the movie ~inside or outside~ whole in one~ i can relate in so many level. And they're all really are not my favorite. I'm okay with them, they're just not my favorite character. Just like myself. And i'm not being bitter right now, i think im not. Well i just finished watching it few minutes ago, and i feel like i owe this explanation. Because i keep going back and forth about this. And because, i think i will forget this matter again. This movie is academy award class, i think it deserves better than just being intentionally forgotten~~ so; aaaawesooome! There it goes. Bye.

Am i getting old?

Nowadays, i see many peoples are not only smart and bright. But also wise. And thoughtful. And cultured. And inspiring too. Even the introverts, they're everywhere, out and about. I think we really are in the peak of "everybody matters" era.

Despite all the chaos and hatred and any bizarre things, it seems kinda cool eh. But ummm... i dont know. I dont mean to be negative but i feel like kinda lost my appetite just like that. I just hope it doesnt bring me any less or worse =) i wish i have anything pretty wise too to tell, but no. Im seeing all them as bizarre. Im just not impressed x]

The world is so colorful and humans are so uniques and systems are so ...crazy. just like that. I tend to over-simplifying like that, instead of bring up the good words that may enlight the humanity...........noooo im not being sarcastic. Or maybe i do. I dont know. But well, peoples are cool lately. Whatever, thats the point. I am in the peak of cool people era.

That it kinda sucks me in and maybe... i got kinda overwhelmed. (White flag). I do random wise bizarre words since primary, but now its like i dont want to do it anymore. I dont know maybe i feel like losing my privilege or something. Coolness seems cheap today. Contents are for sale. And... i dont know... it seems like no more unique for being unique today... whatever happened everything are unique every now and then though.

And so i feel im kinda going back to old values. Religion, modesty, hard work, perseverance, honesty, sincere, afterlife.... anything unfancy. Not that i nailed it though. Im pretty much lucy-generation remember... the old millenial. I grow up knowing that i am special and any other sparkly fun facts i still cant resist. But yes... i feel like i kinda do a step back.

Is it from my character. Is it from my latest thought. Is it from my age. Is it what happened to old peoples when they stop being fun (and oh at least please maybe could start being wise). Is it what happened to old boring people when they start becomes skeptical (and oh at least please dont start looking down to younger others). Is it what happened to old boring unwise people when they choose to be righteous and so stiff (and somewhat stubborn). Am i getting old like that?

I see many peoples too, say that (in their wiser self) they start narrowing their circle of peoples. That they would rather stick with the long-known-tested circle. No longer eager to expand and start new ones. Well that im not into. Somehow in that case i think i go backward. My younger self choose small circles. As i grow, i aim bigger and bigger circles.... i think to the point i cant even tell i want any certain circles. It seems like, peoples would already do. Up to this point, I thanked Allah SWT for my beloved family, really.

So honestly, in the same time im also not so much into travel all around the world or whatsoever trending now. But some cheesy branded hand bags, i cant lie. Destinations do not mesmerize me, but any street views would do. Wise people arent impressed me much. but common civils do. Regarding to that... is there any hope that its not me getting old and boring and unwise.

Cough. Well, old and boring... its hard not to get there eh. But really... despite of im being uninspired by wise words or wise peoples lately... i hope im not going unwise. As i know Allah SWT, and as a lucy generation, and as always me myself,  i actually have faith in a good life. Being unwise and shutted down, are not any of it. So, please~~ dear me, be wise.

savages

maybe this will be a sad post. maybe.

about last year. one year before now... okay, lets loose a bit, make it two, maximum. i was feeling very gracefully good, that everything seems so gracefully good for a living. Here, i meant, as a world citizen, as a moslem, as a mother, as a wife, even as part of this nation. disregarding the corruption, unreliable goverment, mind-blowing conspiracy theory, and foolish tv shows, i do feel like i have faith here, within the society, our peoples. after years of willing, learning, and waiting, i feel like i have every reason to wear hijab. it grows in me. then i do. really, Allah SWT make it easy for me. alhamdulillah.

not being all holy and glory, i also do the count in my journey into hijabi. my peak time of a woman/mother/wife, my dearest circles, my providing accounts, even my surrounding situations which i dont want it to be too 'pretentious' at anything at all. i remember myself saying gracefully about how nowadays ambience was generally so good for the growth of good peoples, including for moslem woman wearing hijab. social acceptance, neutral perspective, indifferent profiles, those shallow things works for good. my countings came to an end. really, Allah SWT make it easy for me. alhamdulillah.

turned out, it was really such a slight time of a moment. looking at nowadays today, i feel so blessed to had that moment back then. now all the fundamental things of living all have resurfaced awfully. news and opinions about religion, gender, race, nation, humanism, crime, politics, fantasy, conspiracy, alls gone savages. then thanks to social media, its blown up like crazy. now its kinda harder to love religious peoples, even for no matter what the religion. then its also kinda awkward to count on a certain hometown, or to simply look up for some great stranger, or just to be wholly excited at some good breaking news. everything seems pretentious, it makes us (or at least me) tend to be more cautious. yes im a skeptical person for most of the times, but lately, even its being a bore. i'd rather do the opposite way, trying to find bits of a pure good truth, some hope.

i'm so relieved that i took that chance in that slight of time turned me into one newbie hijabi. not that i convinced that i am now already that much of a better person by taking the momentum. its just that, i see somehow theres a high chance it did keep me away from getting derailed even further. insyaallah. or for least lets say, if i did not, i wouldnt know if i will have the courage to start this year or when is that. things are too much of blurry right now. 

it might be the world. it might be just me. but i do wish i could have again silly sarcastic politic jokes with my christian friends. i wish i could mesmerized over some adorable thin eyes and sassy attitudes of those chinese toddlers. i wish i could discuss (any) religion topics deeply and openly with my fellow friends. all without certain judgements or pretention or silly awkwardness for being cautious, just in case if i could end up hurting or being insensitive. yes, okay, it might be just me, thinking too much.

no matter how short, this world is just too pretty to be too cautious. peoples are too lovely to be misjudged, and life is too short to be too whiny. it gets me mad watching those savage arguments over every (big little) things. it gets me even more upset when i met my peoples join the crazy crowd. the time of silence is golden might literally come by now. that kind of silent, its sad ...but God said, dont be sad. i had my benefit of being a millenial though, i am ultra-positive. inhale exhale, okay!

im afraid of zombie for fun. i prepare emergency kit. im not into nature nor animals. but of course this world is beautiful. i appreciate life. i love peoples. i believe in all kindhearted people of all races, disregarding their annoying local habbits. i like western foods. i want to be a better person. i believe most people wants it too. im working and praying on my afterlife. i bless nasa peoples and all peoples in bigger seats. i just found out about the ice wall. its a lot that i dont know. big chance, i dont know everything, at all. but i love my family. i do hope we're together until jannah. i am on my way to understand better about loving because of Allah SWT. may we always have all the guidance, love, and protection needed. i look up ~~~ i look around. 

subhanallah walhamdulillahi walaa illaa ha illallahu allahu akbar.

 peluk ~~~

twilight zone

this post might actually be written about last year, i just found it in my random notebook. guess its when i dont manage to open any laptop. it was made even before my last 2 posts. so here it is, unlike usual, this post is about me. or at least, about whats in my mind pretty recently :)

Hey, when is the right age for kids to learn about the world crisis? to let them know the scarry things beyond monsters and ghost and maybe even zombie. that there are crisisES happen, just right about now, in the other side of the world.

i spy on tv channels, let go adult channels, i go through kids programs, let go adult content and bad words, i scan subliminal messages, let go anything illuminati, bring out new world order, let go lucifer alone, mind the brainwashing. then i read again about zombie invasion, the possibility and horror that seems really haunting. im not kidding you, i did research, i want to have preparation. i feel stupid, but i did build an emergency kit.

then after all those thrilling fun, news breaking about Allepo. the war of the world, like well, nothing new actually. but suddenly i got the approval for my emergency kit. forget about zombie. with all the mess in the world (and in this country lately) even we dont actually need zombie to have a preparation.

i started to read about countries. im trying to swallow politics. i had fun learning history. still, there are sorta stupid feeling to care. because still, nothing are really new and they are all grey. humans do great. maybe silly, but great. i cant lie, i still do have faith, in each and every group/race/team/whatsoever. i just wish that i have the right to hope, that more than anything, Allah SWT be still with us all.

then i found out about MBTI. am an INTP :) its so fun, i cant stop. the information and accuracy kinda beat the astrology hahahhah. but then its getting awkward, there is slight of me dissapointed. its like, every me and you, and now and then, all been sooo predictable. i feel like seeing all the pattern, the fun of MBTI krisskrossing the mess of the world. then just like my mbti has predicted about my type, i do want to bend it.

after all the readings and research, plus my approval and satisfactions, i kinda go to the opposite. there's bit of me want to proof its not all correct, or at least that there are another bended version of the theory or description. i would start with my INTP result. jack of all trades, master of none, rule bender, perfectionist planner, and a lazy ass. i said i was working it, bend the description, and..... actually now i kinda already forgot it. like..... who caress??

its annoying, but i dont feel fail though. now is already few months after this writings. there are some adjustments and changes of course, hopefully good ones. im not buying the issues all that much no more. i do wander and watch and see how it goes, but... i dont know, kinda feel detached already. it still feels scarry in times, but i kinda see thats not really on point. i have better and more important things to focus on. i hope its one good and right revelation.

im going anticlimax for all that horrors. the thrill is there, but... okey, next. is it age? or life path? im not really talking about these insights to anyone, its too overrated, no? i dont know if this an end or start of an era ...but anyway, here i feel like one lucky girl in this phase, you cant imagine how. and if it really is luck, i just wish it would passed on my kids and families :) may Allah SWT be still with us all.

lost and found

basically it's about some thought i had around 3 years ago, that started resurfacing in me at my last hair treatment around last quarter of last year. since then i can't actually stop thinking about it. then things seems like setting up in place within these first quarter of the year. and almost this whole last month it's like, i found myself luring all about it. 

it feels kinda exciting. but most of it are like, just natural. nothing feels really new, nothing is really fancy. things here and there just like line up and lead my way. some of it are wishlist unpredictably coming true, and some of it contains some lifetime data lost. haha. but all seems like happened in a right time, because still, i feel  like one happy well-pampered girl :)

so... i'm in expectation, i guess. of myself. of something good. bismillah...

one good start of a good start :D

"never explain yourself to anyone, because persons who like you don't need it, and persons who don't like you won't believe it."

i know that quote. but it won't stop me. gasp.


i firstly made this blog for 'semi' commercial purpose. i could imagine me giving house design advices or some architectural notes to some random readers who need it. something with value and a little bit of theoretical substances, that come in a light and simple package, making it easier to be understood.

i was an architecture student. yes, maybe i wasn't so bright, but i have basics. i was an architecture journalist. yes, maybe it wasn't so impressive, but there i've seen some more. i have an architect husband. well, at least i'll always have his back, or just back home, that's ultimate. and so anyway, i have resources. and mostly, i like, i love, to resurfacing these topics i'm in, always.

so maybe, i thought, if i do make a comeback, splurge on whatever resources i had, i thought, well... i maybe can sell some designs, one or two :D

but then again it hit me. knowing those scientifically artsy creatures and spaces developing each day, watching the designer younglings arise, catching their seniors who grown good and settled somewhere in their design realms... it keeps me itchy, first in my thumb. online updates never more than just glimpse of corners and captions. and on magazines, updates seems never more than just cliche breakdowns or sometimes that typical sort-out presentations. it keeps me haunted.

second, it's itchy in my head. the thing is, i exactly know persons who can splurge things in that matter whole a lot better. and i feel like i can do that even better, to deliver. more than giving advices or selling things. i might not the best writer or whatsoever, but i would like to give a shot. and i might not have nothing to offer, except my personal instagram account where i would post no person but me and my close family only. there i could make us my exception. maybe i can post our photos, one or two :D

and so what do i want again? just an interview. or a chat does sounds better, for a start :)

then it'll be delightful if i can have photos, of you, your works and else. moreover if i can come myself to take photos. but that we can discuss later :D

.....
.....

that my friend, was something i could gain to propose those architect for a personal interview. yes, those cool arrogant selfish mastermind figures. 

i feel so wrecked.

that's good enough for a first draft anyway, right?!

....and in a time like this i'm so relieved i don't publish this blog to anyone.

:D

routines

a bit. kinda. desperately. want to work out.
:D

waiting the right moment (coughing $$$) to get back my yoga time.
while am counting days and considering the efficiency if i want to get back to my preggy time.

several blogpost topics floating in my mind already; about this 1st home, the mothers, life quotes.
but no wifi connection at home lately, and iphone hotspot costs quite a lot (coughing $$$).

our cool new house (surely) doesn't take too long to be home.
need no more pics update because its already a lot.
and even there are 2 media person contact us already, to publish us (our house),
hopefully we can work the undone parts.... which are about 50% i guess xD
....i don't know, can't predict well, but well... i have my finger crossed.

just thinking like it almost time to bring the work, our kind of works, to the next level :)

while still i spend days staring at my dearly living room, snuggling dudes in my left and right above our dearly white sheeted bed, insignificantly lying on the sofa below the breezy air from the fan.

a bless that will forever be my pleasure i can't get bored of. that it will felt so wrong for stop working and not gaining any more goodness from it. so wait wait :) hopefully wait, i'll figure something out.

we moved! we moved!

everyday is such brand new day, like literally. 
hari ini temboknya putih, besok khaki. besoknya lagi pintu dipasang. terus hooknya. terus sofa masuk. terus dispenser. terus karpet. terus cermin. dst dst. yang pasti hari ini giliran pohon, yeiy! more life to come!  told ya, now we're in the camping ground phase =D

this is somehow unusual, subconsciously i know, i think.
karena kemarin sempet mimpi yg agak kontekstual. tentang aliens, refugees, nomaden, rumbles xD bless us and keep us all safe and sound ya Allah ya... its just, this is like irresistibly fascinating. yea i admit it, we gotta drag some extra brave (not to mention shameless xD) guts to move in this soon. but, BUT, someway somehow, we chose this than any other options. we can only stand our homeless phase in a week. just right after we installed the bed, toilet, shower, and aircon, we decided to stay overnight. and it didnt take so long for us to call this site as home. like whenever the kid got sleepy, even if we're in some cozy place or relatives's house, he will ask to go back home. 

here home. alhamdulillah...
out of being grumpy for not finishing the house right away, the other most lovable fact is that it really is not only me (and probably si papi yg ga tau deh sebenernya merasa gimana xD) who get the excitement every time any single thing in this house done installed. the kid does too! i dont know if its just becoming some habbits or reflects or whatever... but i feel like we can really share the perks of living here together. here at our very own house. here at this camping ground. i really really am cant fool myself. out of this and that, among what society would normally say, i am so happy. that i want to put some giggling emoticon.

hihihi... yep some perky eyes like that could sorta do. soon i will post some snapshot from our daily life here. and soon, hopefully sooon, the house will be done. at least theoritically, so that our happines could become even more legit xD amen.

hello checkpoint(s) part.2

btw, we're homeless right now :D

but hopefully even closer to our very own home sweet home. we're done with our rent house last week. byee 4 previous home base, u're all meant for me! 

and this is why i can write this long right now. the situation is, per today we spend our whole day in bintaro-serpong, then we sleep in pamulang with ooma at night. being disturbingly too idle at mahagoni home project, today i asked to spend times in McD with fufa's laptop. Hihihi.... junkfood, laptop, selfspace :* Tadaaa !!!

to be reviewed, its a damn amazing feeling being here at this phase. wherever you(s) are, its home. it literally is now. it may not be all comfort, especially with kid and his schedules, am struggling and juggling hard to fulfill them all still. but really, i thanked God of how i still am feeling safe. having faith and steady for whats going on. Alhamdulillah :)

next awaitment is, the master bedroom. so we can move in. homeless life into camping life xD Yazz! 

ps: i actually want to make this new house thing as a checkpoint, but turned out thats not the point for now. It's like no other, HOMELESS phase xD checked!

  

hello checkpoint(s) part.1

welcome life of a first grader (mom) :D 
now its getting harder to list down milestones, as i myself must catching up with the lesson too. the new class was started last end of july. giddy up!

no no, baca tulis tetep belum lancar. meskipun muatan kurikulum (katanya) banyak (dan berat), baca tulis shaka belum lancar. semua huruf (in english) udah bisa, phonics, pronounce dan lettering. huruf bahasa Indonesia masih on progress :p masih suka lupa terutama antara A, E, I. spelling hmmm so-so lah... tapi mostly udah bisa baca kata per kata dalam bahasa dan english, terutama yg penulisan sama pengucapannya sama. karena bingung  juga ya ngajarinnya secara fase baca tulisnya beda sama jaman kecil dulu.... skrg karena sebenernya semua elemennya udah ready, katanya sih udah tinggal fase drilling baca cerita terus aja (semacam menunggu pencerahan xD) mungkin biar gak keburu gentar liat tulisan berbaris-baris. hahahaha... it will just come when the time it comes :) amen.

pelajarannyaaa.... ya lumayan. hahahaha. saat ini lagi musim assesment ke 2 untuk mata pelajaran utama, math, science, bahasa, english, mandarin. gimana kalo dibandingin sama jaman kecil dulu? hmmm. yang pasti memang muatannya lebih banyak, sehingga (kalo sadar) memang tampak lebih susah. tapi yang pasti juga, flow-nya beda. nggak usahlah disebutkan kalo tentang format materialnya atau buku atau tipe tugasnya yang jelas-jelas beda ya.... tapi flow-nya memang beda. 

rasanya sangat mungkin dari segitu banyaknya muatan yang dikasih, anak-anak cuma berasa seperti sekadar dapet ilmu baru seiring dia tumbuh besar. hmmm... gimana ya, meskipun banyak, dan mendalam, imho muatannya bersentuhan banget sama kehidupan sehari-hari. misal di english dan bahasa terutama muatannya untuk bercerita, presentasi, komunikasi, mengarang, reading comprehension. di science tentang anggota tubuh dan fungsi, jenis makanan dan fungsinya. di math masih seputar tambah kurang... tapii segala gaya. sampe 3 chapter juga belum selesai materinya. mandarin.... masih no clue lah, sampe sekarang satu-satunya cara belajar yang paling efektif adalah... minta tolong anaknya bacain, tunjukin, dan ajarin mamanya apa yang dia dapet di sekolah hahahaha... intinya lagi sih, semakin susah kalo mau sembarangan marah-marah dan ngasih tau tanpa dasar.

"shaka, you have to finish that egg, you need energy for school!"   
"no its not giving me energy! it makes me grow!!!"
*dikutip dari drama huru-hara pagi-pagi

Sort of things... yang disyukuri adalah assesment nya lahir batin (iya lah, dari awal juga maunya kurikulum yang nggak gagap realita kan hihihi) nggak selalu writing... jadi shaka yang masih ogah baca instruction masih lumayan selamat, meski bikin KZL dan semacam mubazir belajar. secara konsep dan substansi, insyaallah he nailed it. moga-moga segera bisa catch up aja untuk aplikasi baca tulisnya... biar nggak usah ada tambahan les calis. biar bisa les yang enak-enak aja. biar momen pencerahan baca tulisnya dateng natural aja :) for the greatness in books and reading. me love good reads. that fuzzy feeling just too worthy to be missed. 

yang disyukuri juga adalah, senyum paginya setiap hari waktu masuk gate sekolah :) teriak panggil-panggil nama temen yang ajaib-ajaib. cengar-cengir ga ngeh pentingnya assesment atau lagi sampe chapter berapa, atau sebanyak apa homeworknya, atau apalah itu yang memang sengaja masih kita delay untuk drilling artinya, mostly segala hal yang sifatnya formal dan official itu. sampai sekarang drillingnya masih tetep seputar --must try to be as best as possible for like every moment. must practice again and again this and that. to finish what's been started. to do every little things wholeheartedly. jadi terutama memang masih seputar disiplin membangun rutinitas dan sikap belajar. terlepas dari kurang lebihnya, moga-moga bisa membawa kebaikan, we'll keep improving ya boy. one (or two or three lah :p) step at a time. mama papa juga sambil belajar. here we also are in our way trying as best as possible, make way for your education life :) bismillah.  
  
yang disyukuri juga adalah, homeworks nggak terasa berat. karena anaknya udah tau sendiri harus dikerjain, ngingetin terus mau kerjain, just like naturally :) rekornya adalah terakhir math homeworks 8 lembar, sekitar 3 jam, dijeda makan malam. no, its not so easy (or very fun). no, its not like he nailed it already. its just us doing it step by step wholeheartedly, dan ditutup dengan senyum puas (i know he did satisfy). Tapi kalau homeworks, ternyata nggak (atau belum) terlalu banyak kok, sejauh ini porsinya (dan manfaatnya) masih terasa pas. Memang masih harus ditemenin, tapi rasanya dibandingin sama hal-hal yang dikerjain mama-mama lain dan anaknya di sekolah kayaknyaaa, apalah aku ini hanyalah kucing (kece) diantara macan xD Sehingga kemudian jadwal pulang yang semakin sore, bisa dibilang adalah hal terkecil dari ritme baru ini. masih ada juga jadwal les yang udah antri ='D 

it sounds like all sunny and rainbows eh :D NOT! hahahaaha... i thanked God for no storm coming so far, but series of cloudy grey. and errr... maybe some haze xD hmmm... gini deh ya, ngecek jotterbook untuk dictation pertama salah semua itu rasanya nggak ada apa-apanya dibanding tau ada murid lain yang bahkan latihannya udah excelled sama dictation ketiga. kemudian pas cek medan perang untuk besok ada assesment, ternyata lagi pada review ini itu, segala presentasi juga pake rehearsal dulu di rumah sampe malem-malem. sementara disini anaknya udah otw bobo, kelar jam belajar sesuai paket jadwal harian (semacam itulah). itu rasaanya........ menggodaaaaa banget untuk ikut on fire lagi. haruuuus banget mencoba sabar untuk stick with the plan of keep doing things wholeheartedly-as best as possible-in certain times. having faith not to gain things instantly. FYUH! we seriously do some strategy-coordination-enhancement meeting about those values every now and then. sort of things lah x"D hahahaha.... just gotta stay strong. need to gain my very own kind of tiger mom. pun belom ketemu temen yang agak sealiran deh nih di sekolahan.... semacam udah yang paling oke aja. nggak deng, paling muda. Hahahaha... satu gen Y diantara gen X yang pasti. hihihi fingercrossed aja deh yaaa.

but still, and always, have fun baby :)
of all that, we really really do have fun being your parents.

year of a blast

this year seems like a blast :) in so many way. not saying things were all pretty and smooth, but each of it is countful. what i've been through are days of dazzling and dynamics set of activities. 

dreams were raising up

realistic goals to be pursuit

bunch of new friends and peers

they are all lovely yet easy

passions were recalling

imagination clearly setting up

new cool chores are awaiting

life is moving taking me in

dearest families lay around the corner

world is becoming more make sense

and as i turn around still i see them cuddly

within the smell and warmth i would always miss

juli lalu shaka resmi TK A :) sekolahnya pagi, jam 8-11.30. mandarin seminggu 3x, sand box time seminggu sekali, masuk gerbang sekolah sendiri, keluar sekolah sendiri, antri satu-satu, toilet time sendiri pada waktu yg ditentukan, mulai ada rewards and specially punishment, guru dan temen sekelas yg sama selama setahun, goal bukan lagi cuma mengerti topik dan bisa jawab pertanyaan, tapi juga berpartisipasi dan berpendapat.

secara umum...... tambah pecicilan. banget. yg agak menghibur adalah pertanyaannya juga ikut semakin canggih. perhatian dan ketertarikan sama sistem mekanikal, per-angka-an, pola (kategori science mungkin?) dan main ngobrol sama orang-orang baru terutama kakak2 yg lbh besar, ngajak kenalan orang di mana-mana, mingle di lingkungan baru (kategori sosial?) dua itu keliatan sekali progressnya :D selain itu juga tampak mulai mengerti pentingnya menahan diri. kalau marah, tidak suka, sedih, rules, restriction. mulai bukan balita lagi. mulai jadi anak-anak. laki-laki. 

 

he will be 5 by the end of this year though. then, not to mention how well he does it (which is ...lets say we definitely are proud parents) but most importantly, he loves it! Hope he keeps improving and grows more enthusiasm. and may there always innate a kind and sincere heart :)

there is another big thing. later i think i would have a longer version to tell. not a very easy nor pretty one actually. but lets just have faith :)

this august itself by the way, is not another big thing. our 6th anniversary. me with the man of no sweet words but an ultimate guidance and companion :) love and whatever good it is, may it is mutual, for eternal. its not another big thing. its the thing :)

happy neigh year

chinese new year holiday it is, am borrowing sissy's laptop at night. a bit realizing that cant really write blog from cellphone, even iphone :)
and am just in the right mood to write. i knew it when i got my baby sleep in my old childhood bedroom, next to my brother's bedroom, which is just being cleared up. the room that used to be messily tidy, with some unwritten restrictions and lots of knickknacks toys. its now just some room where you're allowed to jump in. just wondering what kind of room it will be later.
i smell an abstinence. not that its a bad thing. he's growing up. like life's been as always. well, i haven't even updated my baby's milestones at his 4th birthday. but the highlight for me is that he's being very chatty lately and his english is so much improved. i kinda believe he could survive a conversation with a foreigner already.

and then...
yea, i switched to iphone 4 in november,
thats by the time fufa lost his 4S and switched to iphone 5,
baby turned 4 on december29,
brother just got married onJanuary 26,
sister graduated her college 2 days before,
license to build our home is released in december,
new investor on our way,
by the end of last year tda arcindo died,
its now td + associates,
im 62 kilos and trying to survive,
wanted to do some book project,
still fighting to have my regular exercise,
and on my way convincing oma to move to bintaro
^__^
 
and of all these, as basically i dont know if i could ever again feel enough by saying thank you, i... took break. what i know is that i have to keep improving. early in this year, i hardly mind about my mouth, my words, my way speaking my thoughts. i decided i wanna be wiser.
not so long ago, someone i trust told me that i have tendency to stop at only identifying, minus solving or acting things out. it knocks me, that i can see how it happens to me, although together with bunch of reasons and excuses crossing my head. damn i dont know how to be wiser. in fact, i dont know what i could do with this new consciousness, that its not enough even to realize that realizing in not enough and so on ...sigh.
but hey... i know that every little things count. one thing lead to another. and we are all connected. and i know that wasnt even close words to such a wiser me, except i stop. to do is what i do. bismillah...
You throw me happiness through my loveliest surrounding persons, please help me to answer them. i want to gather all myself for good. for peoples i love, the world i live in, communities in need, and You whose never let go of me. im not forgetting my effort to be appeared more proper at any day. and i wish i could hold on this another new one. i will be wiser. sincerely nicer. amen.

coolness

"kece" is your favorite word lately dear baby. you asked me almost everytime we're putting up an outfit. now let me tell you something about it, coolness. which even sounds better that way ;)

we, women, always have those cliche 3B, beauty, brain, behaviour. me, believe those 3 would come together, evenly. have brain, work your behavior, and you're gonna look good. 

coolness? it works beyond that. you should able to embrace it all. embrace all that you do, all that you think, all that you feel, all that you are, include yourself embracing it. once you coped with them all, trust me, people will see you're the coolest.

but we ourselves, just tend to never had enough, don't we :) even after all those coolness. perhaps, just perhaps, those are not the things that really matter.

look at you now, how much you count on your father, how much you admire your kakung, how much you lean on your eyang, how much you have fun with oma, how much coolnesses they show and bring to you.

let me reveal my version how. your father,  he's so great at solving problems and taking care of you, us. kakung, is a great adventurer. he seems like knowing all the route to wherever even the slightest, even here in our neighbourhood, not his. and never once, he's forgetting you. eyang, is the most charming of all, even when she did nothing. It really isnt something easy let me tell you, it takes a super power to gather a woman-self that way. oma, such a strong child-like woman that you could just never get bored of. no one can beat her intellectuality to amuse you with even only silly little things. in fact, no one seems able to beat their coolnesses to you. ummm maybe me HAHAHA but im your mother, already am the ultimate coolest of all anyway, am i not xD you tell me kid

home around the corner

as usual, been longing for the chance to write :p

i want to update this family milestones by the new year, the 3rd birthday bash and other surrounding blesses
i want to tell about my version about half empty glass vs half full glass at my birthday
i want to share my bubbly feeling about home lately, just few days ago while cooking preparing some meal for peoples i love here in this house :)

full time house wife officially around the corner. well, our architecture firm just officially found a new partner last june 1st, so it'll kinda like a good companion for fufa to work, while im going more domesticated :p fingercrossed. feeling a bit weird at first, but i got used to it, that i could see things going good as so many right things that come at the right times. may this is the start of something better, greater, bigger.

and me, after i fired the maid last april, its clear that all the house chores come upon me, except ironing, they're for the laundry service. i also start cooking, a lot :D although for main menu i still count on oma's delivery. with these changes automatically new routines also set up. won't count it last forever, of course. but so far, i feel graceful. this really is one breezy season for me.

no meaning at all, but my hair grow long. the last time it reaches this long is when i got pregnant. but my plan is to shorten in around next month, after a cousin's wedding, before idul fitri. like its so important :D well, because fufa tells me not to cut, but i dont feel like staying in this comfort zone somehow :p hmmm just lets see. now i feel the giggles already.

the lil boy, grow bigger. he just had his 1st performance on stage. very cute, i feel like want to rush him and give him a hug when he did :D i will upload the video on tumblr later ok. the other thing is, i think now he's kinda in the right size that equal to his age already :) just shop few clothes for him. well actually, i bought 2-3yrs size mothercare t-shirts, but its not that 3-4yrs is too big. it just regarding his petite body, i think 2-3yrs t-shirt fits him better.

my hauls? whoa... i gotta go slowly. i got a queue list already anyway :) i like making list, moreover a shoplist. lately its more about cosmetics, just watched few make-up tutorials, they're crazily amazing. this make-up thingy used to be some temporary interest anyway, but just let me share whats in my beauty case nowadays, together with my essential skincare yes xD ...errrr although more than anything i still wish for a longlasting smoother better skin of mine

the body shop tea tree facial wash, etude house wonderpore freshener, the body shop tea tree clearing lotion, the body shop tea tree night cream, the body shop drops of youth serum, the body shop born lippy lip balm
smashbox photo finish primer, etude house bb magic cream, the body shop all in one face base, bless loose powder, nyx slim eye pencil dark brown, etude house line nuance duo, the body shop baked blush #4, clinique blush in aglow, maybelline magnum mascara, nyx round lipstick doll, the body shop lip glide #6 & #14.
still craving for a user friendly eyeshadow (because i never -try- to put one before), and lip butter gloss nyx, in creme brulee, tiramisu, apple strudel, vanilla pie.... o__o i ni ti dak ba nyak kok *tunjuk aneka video tutorial

bagaimanapun, beginilah perempuannn...
well lets say, its already a bless, this capability of dreaming.
2 milyar ya Tuhan ya, and for so many improves in this family i love for the most ...aamiin
^__^

hello new year ^^

i breathe better. less disoriented work, more appropriate activities. bye bye pill, hello self management ^.^ inhale, exhale. be strong, fight smarter. wait for a good time, be nicer. embrace life, cherish love. stand up for yourself, help the other. i breathe better. i'm literally blessed.

i shop :D i got pretty shelves, storage space got a raise. things become a lot more organized. i dry my hair. i ride car, pretty one. there i put a cute blue cushion. i talk to peoples, it goes deeper in times. i make party, no matter how it turns to be. i do wish, we have plan, and on our way. boy at school, exercise recalling, hello me-time. yes i'm literally blessed. ^^

bring it ooon!

Today I found myself seriously thinking, about one job finding for a just-married-sister. About her wedding will be another post. I wanted her to find her dream job. I mean, I know her qualities and else, and that she deserves a great one. Its just, why she didn't get into it this far. Soon I will ask her, her actual vision of dream job.

Meanwhile, I found myself another finding.
In term of job, I always know what I want to do and to be, since I was a kid. And even until now I know, I am (still) capable of doing that. Honestly, sometimes somehow its still haunting me, mesmerizing me. A writer, journalist, columnist, an individual media person with own thought within its world. The vision still remain cool and sparkling to me.

Then one by one the scenes came. I was there, in an interview with a famous editor in chief of a most-famous female intl magazine of a coolest in-town publisher. Hanging on a question, after a deadly brief of a job. A dream job. Mine.
She was explaining, that the position is open. But it takes like a total dedication, includes all the sparks I know. It means hours of overtime, and a working weekend or holiday trip, being socially active, party job thingy yes, yet it takes some qualification. SIGH. Then she asked, "are you the right fun fearless female for this job?" ...DOUBLE SIGH.

Talking about me. I confidently know, I have the qualification. I don't really like partying, but I would like to and will be able to do it, professionally. I like being around of people and gaining any kind of inputs. So, in term of fun, my opennes will lead me to it, and I definitely will have fun too. About fearless, I undoubtly have a lot of fear, but honestly, who doesn't?! But if one really expect me to say how I could represent fearless, I will say. I am fearless, because I'm here explaining this, by bringing only my self and my passion.
Short story, I didn't come for the next stage for the job. I let it go. It was actually heart-breaking. I have another solid and bigger dream. I think the job won't fit in, so then I won't too.
Then I just gone without notice. I got blank for sometimes. All those making me feel like I am no longer qualified, or further more, fun and fearless.
And today, after several paragraphs, I'm gladly pronounce, that I could consider myself as fun, and fearless once again.
Overall that's because I'm daring to let go one coolest dream job. Because I'm daring to choose and decide and still having fun. Because I'm daring to keep dreaming, take the alternative path, and still have faith for what I do.

Later on, the great opportunity came again. This time, it probably was my fav design magazine from UK. But I was in the middle of my pregnancy, while they need me asap for first time launching here in Ina. Smiling and sigh. But I came to the meeting though, talking and explaining.

Well its like, kinda no hope for me working in a magazine full time by now. What I do is to watch and improve.
So, what do I do now? What am I working while running after my super important bigger dream? :p
That's what I found today. In term of job, I found myself another career dream. I warn u, it might sounds cheesy. But it is not, and I am serious.

I will be the great woman behind the great men.
I watch, I learn, I assist, I support, I present, I accompany. I will bring it.
Later on, me, us, will make a comeback.

amen :)

TUMBLR idea (importing WordPress)

it started from my thought about the reborn of this site http://middaysunday.tumblr.com/ :)

then suddenly, i dont feel right to post at my wordpress. so maybe im just gonna wait the reborn of it ;p
here are 2 post i ever wrote there, that i dont know how to import it, so i will just copy it straightly.

Halfway Through The Year July 30, 2011

Filed under: milestones — lilchickie @ 23:16 Edit This

pagi ini dihadapkan kesempatan utk komputeran. pilihan prioritas awalnya adalah bikin wishlist ikea utk materi web yg akan dikerjain kinyo, satu dari sederetan thins-to-do yg belakangan ini tampak nggak habis2. tapi koneksi lagi lemot, dan sdh lama sekali nggak nulis begini…

pingin nulis tentang milestones…  setahun ini belum sekalipun ada review milestone shaka rasanya ngak mau kelewatan untuk milestone 18bulan ini. my babys already grown big. yea, i eventually missed a lot of things. twitter agak membantu sebenernya, tapi sistem dia masih nggak terlalu ok utk penyimpanan long term… hmmm, sebentar disalin dulu deh ya….

sedotan:

Hari ini si bayi 15 bulan dan (akhirnya) bisa pake sedotan yeyeyeye \(^o\) (/o^)/ 29mar

words:

bilang Mama ☑ bilang Shaka ☑ …next, bilang Sayang ♡ 9apr

belajar jalan:

Mondar-mandir depan tv, nyari mbaknya jalan ke dapur, mainan kabel diolor-olor…. Tp kenapa malah gak mau ya kalo pas diajak jalan… -__- 21apr

showing own interest:

Keingetan sepatu monster di next ♡ keingetan si bocah berbinar-binar ♡ gimana ini papa @iniviko (>▿<)

bisa jalan:

16 bulannya udah bisa jalan ˆ⌣ˆ sesuai deadline deh *senang* 29apr

eksplorasi ruang:

Apanya yg menarik dr buang barang2 ke celah kecil sih mas… -___-” 2may

asosiasi barang:

Gyahahahah… Odong-odong lewat dia lsg narik2 tangan jalan masuk kamar… Trnyt mau tunjukin ride-on truck nya ^▽^ 10may

1st crocs:

My 1st Crocs (>▿<) makasyi kakuuung ♥ 25may

calling while sleeping:

Oemjih, this baby boy awake in his sleep and straightly call me (˘̩̩̩⌣˘̩̩̩) 31may

olahraga:

Anak ini hari ini makannya gadoin nasi tahu tempe aja, plus latihan jalan mundur….  -____-’ #biarsakti 1jun

another teething story:

And so today, he searched and called papa iniviko again in his crankyness  o this is cute ♡ 1jun

teething term ke2:

Setelah semaleman cranky, pesta rice crispy jam 2 pagi, msh diterusin pula smp jam segini.. Trnyata erupsinya gigi ke8… 9, 10, 11 ƪ(˚▽˚)ʃ 2jun

The death of the 1st crocs: 1jun

Aaaaak!!! Si crocs kecintaan ketinggalan di dashboard 3 hari, jd kepanasan mleotmleoooot ​(-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩) 15jun

pertama kali makan pedes:

Masih mo ketawa ingetin muka bocah kepedesan (keenakan) makan kering kentang-kacang (>▿<) 27jun

bisa ngobrol pagi:

Dialog pagi sama bocah 1,5th: mamma,…|ya?|bobo|iya?|iya| *bocah masih merem* 29jun

a content interest:

After visiting bobthebuilder & being chatty abt excavator this n that, his latest interest, my 19mos baby finally slept happily (again) ♡ 29jul

well thats what happened today  finally im finishing this for half a month, again, passing his 19mos moment. im sorry baby, believe it or not, im thinking about this post in my every idle time. why cant i finish this sooner? because my idle time, is trully the only idle moment i have lately…

but anyway, thats it  :) i cant push my twitter timeline longer than that, too bad.

i just dont wanna miss a thing, and hopefully, i don’t miss anything here except one fact i would never able tell it right.

that you grow up fast, you grow up great. and ultimately adorable. i love you so much. we love you so much. papa viko & mama tika ^_^ those two you’ve just excelled to say.

bless you always dear baby.