we moved! we moved!

everyday is such brand new day, like literally. 
hari ini temboknya putih, besok khaki. besoknya lagi pintu dipasang. terus hooknya. terus sofa masuk. terus dispenser. terus karpet. terus cermin. dst dst. yang pasti hari ini giliran pohon, yeiy! more life to come!  told ya, now we're in the camping ground phase =D

this is somehow unusual, subconsciously i know, i think.
karena kemarin sempet mimpi yg agak kontekstual. tentang aliens, refugees, nomaden, rumbles xD bless us and keep us all safe and sound ya Allah ya... its just, this is like irresistibly fascinating. yea i admit it, we gotta drag some extra brave (not to mention shameless xD) guts to move in this soon. but, BUT, someway somehow, we chose this than any other options. we can only stand our homeless phase in a week. just right after we installed the bed, toilet, shower, and aircon, we decided to stay overnight. and it didnt take so long for us to call this site as home. like whenever the kid got sleepy, even if we're in some cozy place or relatives's house, he will ask to go back home. 

here home. alhamdulillah...
out of being grumpy for not finishing the house right away, the other most lovable fact is that it really is not only me (and probably si papi yg ga tau deh sebenernya merasa gimana xD) who get the excitement every time any single thing in this house done installed. the kid does too! i dont know if its just becoming some habbits or reflects or whatever... but i feel like we can really share the perks of living here together. here at our very own house. here at this camping ground. i really really am cant fool myself. out of this and that, among what society would normally say, i am so happy. that i want to put some giggling emoticon.

hihihi... yep some perky eyes like that could sorta do. soon i will post some snapshot from our daily life here. and soon, hopefully sooon, the house will be done. at least theoritically, so that our happines could become even more legit xD amen.

hello checkpoint(s) part.2

btw, we're homeless right now :D

but hopefully even closer to our very own home sweet home. we're done with our rent house last week. byee 4 previous home base, u're all meant for me! 

and this is why i can write this long right now. the situation is, per today we spend our whole day in bintaro-serpong, then we sleep in pamulang with ooma at night. being disturbingly too idle at mahagoni home project, today i asked to spend times in McD with fufa's laptop. Hihihi.... junkfood, laptop, selfspace :* Tadaaa !!!

to be reviewed, its a damn amazing feeling being here at this phase. wherever you(s) are, its home. it literally is now. it may not be all comfort, especially with kid and his schedules, am struggling and juggling hard to fulfill them all still. but really, i thanked God of how i still am feeling safe. having faith and steady for whats going on. Alhamdulillah :)

next awaitment is, the master bedroom. so we can move in. homeless life into camping life xD Yazz! 

ps: i actually want to make this new house thing as a checkpoint, but turned out thats not the point for now. It's like no other, HOMELESS phase xD checked!

  

home around the corner

as usual, been longing for the chance to write :p

i want to update this family milestones by the new year, the 3rd birthday bash and other surrounding blesses
i want to tell about my version about half empty glass vs half full glass at my birthday
i want to share my bubbly feeling about home lately, just few days ago while cooking preparing some meal for peoples i love here in this house :)

full time house wife officially around the corner. well, our architecture firm just officially found a new partner last june 1st, so it'll kinda like a good companion for fufa to work, while im going more domesticated :p fingercrossed. feeling a bit weird at first, but i got used to it, that i could see things going good as so many right things that come at the right times. may this is the start of something better, greater, bigger.

and me, after i fired the maid last april, its clear that all the house chores come upon me, except ironing, they're for the laundry service. i also start cooking, a lot :D although for main menu i still count on oma's delivery. with these changes automatically new routines also set up. won't count it last forever, of course. but so far, i feel graceful. this really is one breezy season for me.

no meaning at all, but my hair grow long. the last time it reaches this long is when i got pregnant. but my plan is to shorten in around next month, after a cousin's wedding, before idul fitri. like its so important :D well, because fufa tells me not to cut, but i dont feel like staying in this comfort zone somehow :p hmmm just lets see. now i feel the giggles already.

the lil boy, grow bigger. he just had his 1st performance on stage. very cute, i feel like want to rush him and give him a hug when he did :D i will upload the video on tumblr later ok. the other thing is, i think now he's kinda in the right size that equal to his age already :) just shop few clothes for him. well actually, i bought 2-3yrs size mothercare t-shirts, but its not that 3-4yrs is too big. it just regarding his petite body, i think 2-3yrs t-shirt fits him better.

my hauls? whoa... i gotta go slowly. i got a queue list already anyway :) i like making list, moreover a shoplist. lately its more about cosmetics, just watched few make-up tutorials, they're crazily amazing. this make-up thingy used to be some temporary interest anyway, but just let me share whats in my beauty case nowadays, together with my essential skincare yes xD ...errrr although more than anything i still wish for a longlasting smoother better skin of mine

the body shop tea tree facial wash, etude house wonderpore freshener, the body shop tea tree clearing lotion, the body shop tea tree night cream, the body shop drops of youth serum, the body shop born lippy lip balm
smashbox photo finish primer, etude house bb magic cream, the body shop all in one face base, bless loose powder, nyx slim eye pencil dark brown, etude house line nuance duo, the body shop baked blush #4, clinique blush in aglow, maybelline magnum mascara, nyx round lipstick doll, the body shop lip glide #6 & #14.
still craving for a user friendly eyeshadow (because i never -try- to put one before), and lip butter gloss nyx, in creme brulee, tiramisu, apple strudel, vanilla pie.... o__o i ni ti dak ba nyak kok *tunjuk aneka video tutorial

bagaimanapun, beginilah perempuannn...
well lets say, its already a bless, this capability of dreaming.
2 milyar ya Tuhan ya, and for so many improves in this family i love for the most ...aamiin
^__^

home maker

ada orang yang menulis di titik terendahnya. ada orang yang menulis di titik tertingginya. tk, mungkin adalah yang menulis saat berada diantaranya.

sebenarnya tk selalu menulis saat berada di titik terendah, tapi hal itu menjadi sangat negatif dan tidak tampak sebagai sesuatu yg layak diingat. ummm, mungkin dulu waktu sebelum 20, ketika kegilaan kadang masih bisa keliatan brilian, tp skrg, hmmm i need all the positivity i could possibly have :p ...jadi tulisan2 di titik terendah itu, kebanyakan untuk dihilangkan.

Dan di titik tertinggi... tentu sangat memforsir diri untuk menulis. tapi biasanya terlalu sibuk, dan tulisannya nggak lebih dr sekedar memo :p so here i am.

di area antara. ingin menuliskan yang rendah. ingin menguraikan yg tinggi ^^ seringnya sedang kecapekan. ingin menjadi jujur. secara benar.

hmmmm... jd gini... bisa dibilang sekarang ini, jadwal berantem sama fufa jelek itu nyaris tiap 2 minggu sekali -___-' sekitar itulah. it seems so hard to survive a month without it. dan coba apa, itu bahkan sdh lebih baik drpd sekitar tahun lalu. gini ni siklusnya. hari ke 1 berantem, 2 dingin, 3 salah satu mencoba ngadem, 4 berdua mencoba ngadem, 5 kalem, 6 recovery, 7-14 getting better, from zero to hero, great times altogether... dan kemudian tanpa ada apa2, tiba2 dtg lg hari ke 1 -____-"

heheheh... tampak lucu ya, tapi nggak deh. selalu ada kekhawatiran kalo ada sisa-sisa kejahatan, sisa-sisa kesalahan, sisa-sisa sakit hati, atau sisa-sisa apapun yg bisa menjerumuskan. we, or at least me... i dont know if one day i could ever be used to it... in any way, a fight seems will never be familiar to me. but maybe in the contrary, ...i like it having ones. bukannya apa, nikahan tanpa ada berantem, itu juga tdk normal... its just, i hope we could survive through them all. the fightings, the hurtings, the thoughts, the anythings... its scarry. so much scarry...

kadang tk berpikir kalau-kalau sampai ada yg diantara kita berdua sampai pada limit capek masing2. hmm... adakah itu...*knock on wood. i mean, i believe we love each other, i trust him is a good smart person, and a responsible husband and father. sabar dan ikhlas emang pe-er nya. in times, i gotta learn   to trust that shit happens and it doesnt mean that i dont belong. its not that i have to let go. but its how i have to hold on and make it good. then leave the rest of it. and for those everything, there always be a chance, even just the slightest, for us to survive, happily.

i always have to remember the day when i see clearly how God put us together, for a reason, a good one. yes, there was that day when i look at to the black sky above His house, and he seems so near, and chuckled. im glad i had that moment. i know it gonna be useful, having the faith of us. that its the right thing to be. jadi begitulah kira2, kalau dari perspektif tk, bisa menulis begini sambil sebel, sedih, kuatir, tapi mulai tenang itu, artinya kira2 ada di siklus hari ke 3 atau 4 :p

this is aint so positive. why do i write it?

cuma untuk mengingatkan ^^ kalau ini udah bolak-balik terjadi. dan setelah diuraikan jd terasa agak normal. biasa saja. pada kenyataannya masih punya banyak untuk disyukuri. termasuk untuk mensyukuri bahwa berantem hari ke3 meski masih nyinyir2an, tp udh bisa ketawa bareng hari ini. mungkin masih ketawa yg diusahakan. tapi artinya ada usaha, dan jelas nggak cuma sendirian aja. somewhere there, hes also trying to do good, surviving us.  nggak peduli di hari ke1 bawaannya mau kabur ajah :p its a positive thing, i think.

juga untuk mengingatkan... kalau ini udah terjadi berbulan-bulan, dan betapapun jeleknya perasaan dan pemikiran yg  pernah lewat ataupun tinggal tetap... pada intinya, ternyata nggak ada yg berubah dari tk. nggak sedikitpun terpikir menyesal atau tidak puas, menginginkan yg selain ini. marah, sakit hati, sedih, sebel, jelas ada. rekaman peristiwa juga ada. lebih dari itu, tk tau nggak mungkin tk merasakan itu sendirian aja. Bahkan pada saat terburuknya, tk tau orientasi fufa jelek itu, lebih dari tk tau orientasi tk sendiri, lebih dari penjelasan dia atas orientasinya. meskipun yang akan tk pegang adalah penjelasannya aja :p i know it always there. the love, goodness, wise person inside of him. all within integrity. dengan begitu tk tau bahwa tk jg harus bertahan. karena pada satu titik tk sadar bahwa kita masih memperjuangkan hal yang sama.

i may whine, but i should let alone feelings to move on. i just hope he could stand me whining, and asking, in confuse, and take times to understand :p as i hope i could stand him being distant in times, tricky, and doing such an oh-please-network -___-" ...i hope we'll always eachother's back, and front. ah and maybe working out the unpleasant trait day by day would be helpful.... well, lately he told me to ask things in detail when praying, so there they are... :p

i found myself still loving him to the core, knowing that he's a great husband for me and super father for my kid, wanting to be with him like forever, working a warm good home for him and kiddo, be happy altogether. that what i should remember myself.

water-dragon breeze

its been a while ^^

my lil family been through a pretty much ups and downs. new schedule. new chores. new milestones. new vision perhaps :p but think its now somewhat started to be left behind. um. we re just somewhat trying to be more focus i guess. trying to be as good, as effective, as possible. last year was a blast. for mviko to quit his job, for my lil baby to reach two, for me to keep sane :p one cant, i cant imagine how i count week by week month by month, until i came to a point where nothing seems really matter. maybe God saved me, because God (always) save us so far. and once i  cant see it as a good indication, as if we need help that big or what..... but then again i came again to that point where me doesnt matter. God knows better, and been so kind and cuddly, there must be some good reason for everything. amen. though i cant tell if its faith or forces of nature talking, but there were i standing. just try to be more focus on what im doing. and i hugged Him before then, before everything else. there were i.

so, what im doing? ^^ me, im seeing how much i can be an assistant. a companion. a friend in need. a partner. anything as part of an integrated support system to my family, with all of my strength and weaknesses. yea, in times, feeling seems unnecessary but a ruin factor. but um. lets just embrace it and take it as a bless. embrace, i dont know i will come to a time to really use this phrase. and about what i found, what i try to analyze, what i try to accept, what i try to see, it might takes forever or never to get it solved. it will always be debatable, and theres no use to prolong (except ure in such a pms mood to calm u down and to keep u sane by making other people insane). so i won't go detailing. its just, by the end of the day, again, i found myself loving people im here with right now.
my husband as a whole package, is still the greatest who brought me my most happiness, most secure and comfort feelings ive ever had, and keep on doing it. and nothing else to say about my baby, as always. its a definite feeling when u see him in the eye and he do it back and the clock stop ticking and hes smiling. he simply mesmerized me by his every inch, his every move and saying. having them as a family. even to reach myself as today this way is already a bless.

and, whats happened? um, i'll try to make it short. mviko quit his job and finally for the first time, we 3 stay together in a house, i guess its started at around june 2011. then we practically do this and that, every little things count. and yeah ok, its miracle that gets us survived. i think we kinda live in such alternative way. um, it might sounds somewhat cool, but trust me it just wasnt that fancy. then maybe due to some gradual changes happened to our life (me pregnant-newborn-breastfeeding-pms coming back-me as a mom-new enterpreneur-living together-and else i cant remember... see, too many changes and waves in a time is aint fancy) ...there were slight clashes, and crashes too :p well, new year feels like a breeze to me since then, its like "ok its new year, everything new a re allowed to happened, right about now..." hihihi... its been a kinda exhausting year before...

and the baby? wow. shaka boy reached a lot. umm... he's two and he can count until ten either in english or bahasa. now he's 25mos and he already understand the different between numbers and alphabets (finally). the 3 first colors he recognized is green, orange, purple,disregarding the yellow whose sooo oftenly come, so that i cant tell if he really recognize it or not. but now he already knew green, orange, purple, yellow, pink, blue, black... sometimes grey and white... without red -___- odd eh?! and then his 3 first songs are burung kakatua, tiktiktik bunyi hujan, cicak-cicak di dinding,... but now hes seems so fond in naik kereta api. his favorite creature fellow started by hippo, then the excavator... and it grows to truck, taxi, police car/ambulance, mixer, compactor and those big vehicles. and about a week ago he also made his 1st scientific question/statement. hes standing in the car back seat seeing the sky then say "the star, the moon, is walking, following shaka" ...i think, wow.

and by the way, after 2 years sailing here in this house, we will move in a very early march, next month. gotta move to another rent house. its pretty a while eh... ^^ and mviko is now again in distant, after like 6 months stay together here. i missed him. no  matter how peace right now is, writing in the night, having my own schedule as i like, i want him here like always. even with any errands that could possibly happened. we 3 together are just too worth.  i missed him. no matter what could possibly lay beneath. kinda hope he feels the same, even just a slightest. but anyway, may this bless works forever. may it be the greatest.

sooner or later :)

mood mimpi subuh2.... sambil nunggu mviko pulang dari ikea....

kalo lg gini, pingin cpt bikin rumahnya... krn udh mulai pingin beli kasur yg lebih 'layak'... hihi, iyah, terutama karena itu... karena shaka semakin merajalela... ahahaha...

think this set of wardrobe (ANEBODA wardrobe 81x180 cm white -119SGD) and dresser (ANEBODA chest of 3 drawers 80x100 cm white - 89SGD) fit me and my family ;p i like the look, and the price. 2 set of the wardrobe would be a perfect starter wardrobe for me and husband, while 1 set of the dresser would be a perfect 'wardrobe' for my baby. later on, when we got all settled, both of the wardrobe would be cute too for our baby (or babies! :D) wardrobe. And the dresser of course, will go together as well. i always wanted a dresser. think that kind of furniture is very functional, and fit to almost all rooms in the house :)

i really can imagine this goes with cool blue sheet and bolster case (HENNY CIRKEL quilt cover and 4 pillowcase 200x200/50x80cm white/ grey-blue - 39SGD)

And for mood changing, i can too imagine this with bright yellow or lime green sheet and bolster case :D (RENATE FLORA quilt cover and 4 pillowcases 200x200/50x80cm multicolour - from 29SGD is now 19SGD)

And the good thing is that both set could match my basic favorite wishlist: light grey sheet :) hihi... really hope the husband agree enough and could deal with my picks!

a girl's writing

its 10 o'clock at night. and im writing like a girl. in a rent house. with a baby plus a sitter. and having a lover million miles away. i finished my period, this isnt pms, and still. i miss him. thats why i told you, im writing like a girl.

its a secret. that i had my head empty for sometimes. and i bite my tongue as i say goodbye on the phone. hold my breath, and burning eyes. or else it would sounds like sorrow. because its not. i just miss him. as i know he must have been missing me more. missing us. missing home. i just hope i didnt make this sounds so sad. because it didnt meant to. its just me, writing like a girl.

^_^

this is kinda cute actually, do you know. its 10 o'clock at night. and the lights are already off. there still is a dvd inside my player. i can hear the sounds of the clock ticking. and some securities out there are going around the blocks. my last shower was this morning. still wearing my grey roll-on t-shirt from topshop. and teared away short jeans from my sister. sitting on my

laptop and typing with one hand only, while the other support my cheek. am missing a lover. just like a girl, isnt it.

and on the other side, i cen tell. there is this baby adorably sleeping inside his soft knitted blanket from mothercare, beneath a dim yellow light in my room. oh im so ready for a whine. the room is a bit messy, i let the toys spread around the play corner there. and the smells, my room smells so baby-ish. one world you would let your self drowned in. and i can hear too, the sitter is ironing clothes back there, my clothes, my baby' clothes. just like what you have at home. shes doing her overtime. its sounds pretty real too, isnt it.

^_*

its like live in 2 different world sometimes. not that its not fun. and not that its special really. its just common, right. one time i could just swing and fly, and another time i cook and bake. one time i would babbling and being stupidly chatty, another time i gotta be firmly straight and strict. there also time when im in between. i mean, its like... um...yesterday i washed my baby's ride. cool stroller ever really, oh yeah, i was definitely in the mood. so, me, wearing that thin yellow bali shirt and blue tank inside it, with a grey sleep short washed it in my garage. while my baby played with his sitter next to me. watching and playing. we had a quite nice evening back then.

um, can you see that. i mean, me, the master, the mother, washing the damn dirty ride, at my own front door. and what do i wash again? a baby stroller. isnt it seems a bit unmatch? um. i prefer to say its a cuteness. im in the mood of washing, playing with water, and so i wash, no matter who i am. just like when i was a child, who would care anyway? mom's will deal it. haha. its just that i was washing my baby's stroller.now, im the mom. haha.

^o^

i miss him. i miss we being chatty about unimportant thing. i miss we doing the sweetness of doing nothing. i miss me, unpurposedly play around the house nagging you. i miss you, have nothing to do and hungry and so you cook. i miss us, pathatically unfed by me, so we do experiments in the kitchen. i miss us, lying on the bed, cuddling. as our hands raised away, and a bit of rambles. we bubbled into the sky. there are days when im missing you like a girl. and now, although im writing like a girl, im going to say, i miss myself missing you like a girl.

i miss preparing your breakfast, setting up your schedules, coordinating myself to you. organizing clothes so that its easy to pick and had its best timing to be wear. randomly going somewhere finding something. choosing menu. i miss having our endless morning lazy hugs and kisses. rubs on your cheeks. the weight of your arms upon me. your palms that always warmer than mine. or noticing you got into the bed at night, throw a little bit of unconscious hugs before go to sleep again. those little random things of us. i miss them.

=)

the relieving fact is, if the feelings coming out because we are separatedly far, or is it because its-time already, i dont really care. we are still the best family i ever known so far. and i hope it will still be like that for ever. that it includes you my forever baby boy.

having you with us, really is one big shot. we grow together shall we? i mean having those feeling, and seeing you sleeping in our bed, are magicly felt like a greatest gift somehow. it might sounds very contradictory, but these all, i mean this cute feeling of being bubbling, tasted wonderful. not only its becoming one good way to remind me how good your father is. or to remind us how great us is. it also to remind that little knick-knacks wouldnt do any harm, but some random imperfections that making us just perfect. and id be thankful for that. do you get me? nah...

forget it. having these all at a time really is a bless. that was the only point so far. then its on me, on us, to keep it alive. the blissful love, the blessful life, and everythings. thats all.

:fingercrossed:

seasons change

:feels like its going to be one sad posting:

no its not like something bad happened or what. its just that im having my period, and yes, seasons change. and im not used to be good with it. and i just realized, such things like this, only happen related to period season ^^

um. i basically dont know what happen. but i kinda feel that something is happening. and due to my lack of adaptation skill and bravery, i cant even say it clear and straight. um. of all the love and gifts i had, its not that im being ungrateful and not that im being grumpy. but i dont really like this. i mean, its terrifying. im scared. im not that well prepared for this kind of changing circumstances. it feels like very easy for me to drowned in, and never surface. as easy as i can say it right away before. im too silly. im too cold. im too vulnerable. im too fragile. im too childish. too clumsy. too sloppy. too scared. too stupid. too misfit... im too ready for a fall.

rasanya belakangan ini tk banyak melakukan kesalahan. itu di luar dari banyak hal yg belakangan ini tk pikir tk nggak bisa kerjain. hal-hal yg tk nggak tau sebelumnya, hal-hal yg tk nggak kepikiran sebelumnya, bahwa tk nggak bisa. hal-hal tidak berjalan sesuai rencana. dan meskipun dengan segenap hati tk berdoa dan percaya sama-sama kamu fu, tk bisa. nyatanya tk belum bisa bilang dengan mudahnya, bahwa hal-hal berjalan lebih baik dari rencana. meski dengan sangat sadar tk bisa bilang dengan mudahnya, hal-hal sudah berjalan dengan sangat baik. dan penuh kebetulan-kebetulan dari Tuhan yang ajaib dan menyenangkan.

menarik nafas. melirik kamu fu. ada rasa bersalah karena tidak bisa mendampingi dan navigasi. dan bahkan masih repot mengurus diri sendiri. perubahan demi perubahan. kamu bener fu, sekarang waktunya udah berjalan cepat, udah nggak boleh lagi serampangan atau resah sembarangan. udah bukan waktunya untuk labil terus ngilang sendirian. nggak ada waktu juga untuk tenggelam dan menelusuri kebingungan. yang menakutkan adalah kalau cuma bisa mendiamkan dan membiarkan. celahnya akan selalu terbuka untuk hinggap dan menjebak.

seasons change. do i grow any better? could i grow better? im still the person who need you to shut the hole. and now is the time you need me not to having the hole. i can hide it, but i cant kill it, there im afraid im gonna lost. and im afraid to get it out. seasons change? i change? could i change? how if i change? should i change? seasons change and i dont know what to do. again i feel like becoming a trouble. i dont wanna be trouble. i can hide it, but i cant kill it, there im afraid im gonna lost again.

its kinda one good thing that this season change includes new year. as if things are already meant to change. just like my baby boy stepped into such toddler world. and thankfully by the end of last year we also entered one new world of selling things. well, lets just consider its done. i mean, the changes, sillyness, adaptation matter, hard works needed, are all meant to be, and this breakdown phase is must-through. i mean, people isnt meant to be a sudden expert, yes?

pegang pipinya. tinggal mudah-mudahan tk cepet adaptasinya ya Tuhan ya... untuk tk jadi mama yang lebih canggih, jadi istri yang lebih pinter, dan untuk ttp bisa jadi sebaik-baiknya tk.

we will together grow big, grow good, and happy. i will have my faith. i love them.

and amen*

to love with a smile

it was a quite fine afternoon today. we 3 had the good mood to walk around the cluster. then we had a very comfy sit in our front porch. then the helper took my baby for another walk. leave me and the papap sitting. then we found ourselves still sit, calmly, and a bit chatty. we chat about leaves pattern, about roller skate, about princess leia, about onion, about the life of nowadays babysitter, about our helper, and a bit of everything else. and then the helper came, and the baby already slept. then again, we found ourselves still comfily sit. smiling at the baby, and continue being chatty. until we heard the baby's soft weep. and then we came in, accompany him to sleep. accompany our soul to have our day completed.

that's cute isn't it. i don't really care if its somehow cheesy or what. because it really is cute to me. definitely something i would run after, even for my whole life ^^

i was once a person not knowing how love could be that good, or in this case, tastes good. i know love is big since forever. love is the ultimate power could ever exist. the ultimate power could ever change a person. the ultimate power ones could ever be very thankful. the ultimate power could turn the world upside down, for real. and the ultimate power could never be spelled as well. and so on. thats what i know, and honestly, thats what i always believe. its just there you see the missing part. nobody smart seems like willing to say that love means happiness, or at least, that love tastes good. and frankly, there were i, just like a dizzy hippie.

and now im gladly mumbling about household craps as if im talking about love. don't you dare to poke, you don't know what im going through, hahah! ^^ no, its not it.

of all the fairy tale i known, of all the stories i read, of all the people i seen, i know, love is big. it contains anything important. thats how people could beautify. we human already have that gift to tend to being melodramatic over anything important, right. hey, its no cheesy. who said to love is easy. didnt anybody tell you that it costs a lot, i mean, very lot, just like all of your money,... no no, its like, all of your energy,... no no, its like, all of your time in this world,... oh no no, its just like, all of your existence being as a human. nah! would you like to ever found one then? ...bingo! i guess thats why the words is fall-in-love, instead of fly-on-love. it sounds cute at first, but then it becomes scarry. again, frankly, there were i, a hippie with her dilemma.

i lost my ground. i dried my air. i gave up words. no, love, it won't be something you'd like to find. it tears you up. what you'd like to do with it is just to utopically dream and watch it ^^

people admire the sacrifice of a mother, thats love. people adore the crazyness of a lover, thats love. people sing about a deep agony, a beautiful catastrophe, and whatsoever seems big, and they call it love. there're seems like only a very few good things left, as if it gotta be belong to someones very special. or else, that gotta be just fake. of course i dont want to be some fake, so it seems like i picked the common way, that it mostly made me puke. hahah! i cannot stand it, then i quit, being automatic. i fell asleep. until he found me, a hippie in the edge of her sanity. half awake, and half asleep. very conscious, yet very drunk. he poked me, then i fell. in the world i thought was hell.

and there i see myself with you both this afternoon. gladly being chatty about cheesy life and mentioning love within a smile. it was heaven to me.

thank you for finding and dragging me here ^^

home sweet home

:dan kita bernafas bersama, seperti tidak ada yang lebih penting lagi di dunia:

seperti sdg ada di penghujung liburan. setelah melewati beberapa fase hidup tak terlupakan.

now i have it all the way ^_^ ada mviko - lulus kuliah - pengangguran di rumah mama - kerja smp gila - pacaran long distance - kerja sambil kosan - kerja dengan senangnya - kerja bareng mviko - nikah - kontrak rumah berdua - mviko ke hutan, tk main sendirian - happy wifey working girl routines - hamil - peluk 24jam - kos kamar yg lbh nyaman - hidup lebih sehat, jalan lebih lambat, kerja seenaknya - menunggu ke rumah mama - ada shaka - rusuh-rusuh hari pertama - di rumah batang - di rumah pamulang - kontrak rumah bertiga plus mbak dari mama - di rumah bertiga asli bertiga - tk becoming stay-at-home mother - sekarang di rumah bertiga plus mbak sendiri - berikutnya tk becoming part timer, atau insyaallah working-at-home mother - dan alhamdulillah untuk itu semua, dan bismillah untuk kedepannya.

kira-kira seminggu terakhir ini seperti bisa merasakan shaka yg seperti udh tau konsep rumah, ada mamanya, ada papanya, ada mbaknya. shaka udh jadi bayi kecil yg bisa nyaman di rumah, perlu adaptasi di rumah orang, dan tau serunya jalan-jalan. yg seminggu terakhir ini terasa itu adalah waktu sampai di rumah, geletakan di kamar. spt tk sama mviko kalo lagi leye-leye dgn senengnya, mata dan ekspresinya keliatan sangaaaaaat nyaman. posisi badannya lemes yg relaks bgt, ngoceh-ngoceh pelan dgn nada santai, guling-guling seenaknya tanpa waspada, diuyel-uyel atau dicuekin juga diem aja. dan matanya, keliatan sangat-sangat tenang, bahagia, lengkap, nggak kurang suatu apapun. insyaallah. no in this part i dont care if what im saying sounds subjective or anything. he does recognize us ^_^ he does recognize home.

and also in the mean time, he's seems like able to intentionally staring. deeply staring, trying to conceive whatever he could conceive, and then slowly smiling. as if there's nothing else left to do. as if there's no sadness and harm could exist. as if i'm the only one to him. as if here-with-me is the the center of the world, and nothing else matter then. while to me is definitely the opposite. gosh. how can i not love you who's started with only me to love ^_^ finally now i found my own story about being a mother. that another cheesy-but-true-mind-blowing-thought.

and actually, this whole home sweet home thing to me, are mind-blowing. within you both, i'm definitely the luckiest. and amen.

pagi di bintaro

I could be your sea of sand
I could be your warmth of desire
I could be your prayer of hope
I could be your gift of everyday

I could be your tide of heaven
I could be a hint of what's to come
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be your blue eyed angel
I could be the storm before the calm
I could be your secret pleasure
I could be your well wishing well
I could be your breath of life
I could be your European dream
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I would lie here in the darkness
I would lie here for all time
I would lie here watching over you
Comfort you
Sing to you

I could be your worry partner
I could be your socialite
I could be your green eyed monster
I could be your force of light
I could be your temple garden
I could be your tender hearted child
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I would lie here in the darkness
I would lie here for all time
I would lie here watching you
Comfort you
Sing to you

Will I ever change the journey
Will the hushed tones disappear
Oh little Rita
Let me hold you
Oh little Rita
Let me love you

I could be your leafy island
I could be your thunder in the clouds
I could be your dark enclosure
I could be your romantic soul
I could be your small begining
I could be your soothing universe
I could be your ordinary
I could be the one

I could be your ordinary
I could be the one

I could be your ordinary
I could be the one

donna lewis

sementara gitu dulu aja ceritanya ^^

another birthday week

tk kangen mviko...

tadi ngangkutin barang utk pindahan ke kontrakan baru...

tanpa mviko...

tk pms...

marah-marah mulu

sedih juga

mimpinya sedih-sedih...

bangun tidurnya sedih-sedih

lg inget banyak hal

banyak orang...

kamu juga fu

kita...

tk kangen...

rumah baru lagi ^^

bikin bau yg baru lagi

hhhhh

menghela nafas

setahun lg shaka 14bln

shaka akan tumbuh besar di kontrakan ini

lucunya ngebayangin....

hhhhh

menghela nafas

bertopang dagu

manusia itu ada banyak ya...

bbrp waktu lalu tk pingin teriak A

bbrp wktu lalu tk pingin bilang B...

terus habis. lupa. hilang. sebel. menguap...

i need extra energy

cup......

terus tidur, besokannya amnesia nulis apa...

berdoa

yang terbaik untuk shaka

yang terbaik untuk kami

ya Tuhan ya

atas diri

atas nama

atas orang tua

atas rumah

atas keluarga

dan semesta dalam lindungan

penuh peluk dan sayang

atas ketulusan

atas keberanian

atas kebijakan

atas kedamaian

atas kebahagiaan

dan semesta dalam kebaikan

penuh senyum dan cinta

langkah hanyalah doa

kami hanyalah berserah

padaMu ya Tuhan ya

: tk mau peluk ya Tuhan...

home to be

bismillah untuk rumah bahagianya ya tuhan ya... ^_^

my catch from touring blogs

1 zooey deschanel, actually whats above is about her, not the room, kinda admire her lately. whimsical. and the room*hers* frankly pretty catchy also. took them from here and here.

2 different bedroom, but apparently i ike them both, took it from this cute blog

3 several room sequences from this NY interior designer blog inspires me good

4 she collect several lovely baby rooms too

5 this pretty inspiring...

6 vibrant colours and pattern, so very uplifting, most of her works really are

7 my kind of style, simple yet playful, orderly random ^^ took them from this nice blog


8 too bad, i cant find one funny and whimsical picture of 2 little girls that really make my day today, the older girl strap the younger onto the wall with tape...

first weekend

well i started this blog from an inspiration of my polyvore sets. this one tells thing by scramble and effortless *and this set is also effortless* its filled with my usual stuf. slouchy, relax, loving, a lot of play... nothing so special, but still seems nice to me. im such a lazy weekenders.

it seems like this set explain this blog thingy. it seems pretty useful inspite of my short time to write, and collect things. my things. well here im just trying to keep up moods. moods im always wondering. they're my good ones. perhaps this going to be like a diary, or just scrapbook, ...whatever im just trying to grounding this space for now. *hello!*

and well yah i start this in the weekend on my birthday week. my first birthday as a wife he said ^^ so think its a good moment for doing a trial. humm, i dont know what else. all i know, my heads already keep up things too long to be remembered as well. so may this be good then.