Strong is an easy word. it's a no-brainer for anyone to strive to. but here is a confession.
my whole life until now, I never really want to be strong. I may say it several times to encourage people case by case, whereas I know it's meant to be good and necessary. that they can use the best of it, and I did it sincerely too. but me knowing myself, as far as I remember, I always find a way to encourage and push and survive myself, without really telling myself to be strong. I keep it secretly just for myself, for not wanting to be strong, as I know it's somewhat not right… because most of the time I just, can't.
being strong gives me creeps, or at least cringes. that’s how I'm more into “hold on!” or “we got this!” or even an awkward “let's survive this!” …than a common “stay strong”. I don’t mind being acknowledged as strong though, as people usually mean it positively. I’ll let them be, but not me.
Knowing several strong figures and their tales, no matter how great they do, keeps drawing me away. shortly, it seems like an easy choice, I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to be strong, sometimes to the point I don’t mind being not great. me being stubborn, I kinda invent this theory. all I need is a good set of strengths, but I may not need to be strong. that way, I will survive. case closed, problem solved. Thank you, next.
It’s quite a thought, but of course, it's naturally not something I’m proud of. therefore I never really mention it. Years go by, wisdom (try to) knocks, I try to be more and more casual about it, but no I still can't spell it right (for myself), to be strong… Until pandemic hits, given all kinds of chaos and crazy forecast of this wacky world. I think I kinda slipped out and make this kinda wish for later after the pandemic is over; may we all can come back stronger.
it cringes still, but as I always try to be casual, I let it be. I convince myself that nothing wrong with it. it’s just one typical cliche wish. I really can't find any other urgent point to correct or even doubt about it though. so maybe that’s the first time I officially, wished to be strong (no, stronger). ignoring my infamous inner child, I let it be.
I’m 37, and just now, I kinda get what it takes, and what it means, to be strong. I feel like I know what it takes before, the reason why I never take it lightly… I'm not saying I'm all understood, but… I kinda see the big(ger) picture. the parts I missed out on for whole my life. I was wrong. a good set of strengths is not enough. while we don’t have to be strong (all the time), at least we’d better want to be.
there were times I would entertain myself like, this girl is waiting for the last call to really pray to be strong (and so it gives the creeps even more intense). it seems like being strong equals hard times :’) but no, turns out it means more than that.
although hard times most of the time, are worth it. that more than often, I found myself fully willing to face it, to get through it, to make the best out of it. therefore….. how can I not want to be strong. now I can't tell if that's me lacking confidence, or on the contrary, being overconfident, to go through all without being strong. zzzzzz…
while being great is (just) a (good) result that is pretty much out of our actual business, being strong is some attitude that we must work on. even now when I say, okay let’s be strong… that’s not me being strong already.... we may never be able to tell if we are strong ourselves, but that strong will and effort to be; most likely is the game-changer.
great and strong usually come in a pair eh... but to be noted, my version of great is, maybe when we can live by our full potential in our most fundamental human way; fulfilling our fitra as best, and finding peace in it.
that's when a good set of strengths, even great ones, is not enough for one to excel. to work and pray, to make effort and have faith, is what we do. but this journey of life is not about ourselves only. especially if we’re about to walk toward greatness, it cannot be about ourselves only, because true greatness got to be good for many. if even the smallest thing can bring impact, imagine what greatness supposedly bring.
one thing leads to another thing, no such thing as coincidence. I had my pathway set to be here today, finally officially reconciling with that mindset of being strong. may I’m doing this not merely out of hard times only… or not, I don't care, oh well. but my actual point that I care is, that I love my peoples.
by all meaning, more than just survive, they deserve to be as great as they are all meant to be. we are all together so far, and as much as I wanted them to be 'that' great, I want us to stay together all the way, for good. therefore in any circumstances, they need me to be strong, most probably to the point they need me to be as great either.
to be strong means a lot more than just the skill to survive through hard times. it’s also an effort for protection from the bad, even before things go bad. it's kinda similar to the saying, the best defence is a good offence. we need every bit of the will to be strong. so there is it, my first encounter with a good offence. never a favourite subject, really ...but now I see how I really can get good use out of it, that it contains a lot more than just myself… this realization is unconditional. I'm glad for finally coming to this perspective... where was I all these times? oh yes, I will be strong, please =)
