to be strong

Strong is an easy word. it's a no-brainer for anyone to strive to. but here is a confession.  

my whole life until now, I never really want to be strong. I may say it several times to encourage people case by case, whereas I know it's meant to be good and necessary. that they can use the best of it, and I did it sincerely too. but me knowing myself, as far as I remember, I always find a way to encourage and push and survive myself, without really telling myself to be strong. I keep it secretly just for myself, for not wanting to be strong, as I know it's somewhat not right… because most of the time I just, can't. 

being strong gives me creeps, or at least cringes. that’s how I'm more into “hold on!” or “we got this!” or even an awkward “let's survive this!” …than a common “stay strong”. I don’t mind being acknowledged as strong though, as people usually mean it positively. I’ll let them be, but not me.

Knowing several strong figures and their tales, no matter how great they do, keeps drawing me away. shortly, it seems like an easy choice, I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to be strong, sometimes to the point I don’t mind being not great. me being stubborn, I kinda invent this theory. all I need is a good set of strengths, but I may not need to be strong. that way, I will survive. case closed, problem solved. Thank you, next.

It’s quite a thought, but of course, it's naturally not something I’m proud of. therefore I never really mention it. Years go by, wisdom (try to) knocks, I try to be more and more casual about it, but no I still can't spell it right (for myself), to be strong… Until pandemic hits, given all kinds of chaos and crazy forecast of this wacky world. I think I kinda slipped out and make this kinda wish for later after the pandemic is over; may we all can come back stronger.

it cringes still, but as I always try to be casual, I let it be. I convince myself that nothing wrong with it. it’s just one typical cliche wish. I really can't find any other urgent point to correct or even doubt about it though. so maybe that’s the first time I officially, wished to be strong (no, stronger). ignoring my infamous inner child, I let it be.

I’m 37, and just now, I kinda get what it takes, and what it means, to be strong. I feel like I know what it takes before, the reason why I never take it lightly… I'm not saying I'm all understood, but… I kinda see the big(ger) picture. the parts I missed out on for whole my life. I was wrong. a good set of strengths is not enough. while we don’t have to be strong (all the time), at least we’d better want to be.

there were times I would entertain myself like, this girl is waiting for the last call to really pray to be strong (and so it gives the creeps even more intense). it seems like being strong equals hard times :’) but no, turns out it means more than that. 

although hard times most of the time, are worth it. that more than often, I found myself fully willing to face it, to get through it, to make the best out of it. therefore….. how can I not want to be strong. now I can't tell if that's me lacking confidence, or on the contrary, being overconfident, to go through all without being strong. zzzzzz…

while being great is (just) a (good) result that is pretty much out of our actual business, being strong is some attitude that we must work on. even now when I say, okay let’s be strong… that’s not me being strong already.... we may never be able to tell if we are strong ourselves, but that strong will and effort to be; most likely is the game-changer.

great and strong usually come in a pair eh... but to be noted, my version of great is, maybe when we can live by our full potential in our most fundamental human way; fulfilling our fitra as best, and finding peace in it. 

that's when a good set of strengths, even great ones, is not enough for one to excel. to work and pray, to make effort and have faith, is what we do. but this journey of life is not about ourselves only. especially if we’re about to walk toward greatness, it cannot be about ourselves only, because true greatness got to be good for many. if even the smallest thing can bring impact, imagine what greatness supposedly bring. 

one thing leads to another thing, no such thing as coincidence. I had my pathway set to be here today, finally officially reconciling with that mindset of being strong. may I’m doing this not merely out of hard times only… or not, I don't care, oh well. but my actual point that I care is, that I love my peoples.

by all meaning, more than just survive, they deserve to be as great as they are all meant to be. we are all together so far, and as much as I wanted them to be 'that' great, I want us to stay together all the way, for good. therefore in any circumstances, they need me to be strong, most probably to the point they need me to be as great either. 

to be strong means a lot more than just the skill to survive through hard times. it’s also an effort for protection from the bad, even before things go bad. it's kinda similar to the saying, the best defence is a good offence. we need every bit of the will to be strong. so there is it, my first encounter with a good offence. never a favourite subject, really ...but now I see how I really can get good use out of it, that it contains a lot more than just myself… this realization is unconditional. I'm glad for finally coming to this perspective... where was I all these times? oh yes, I will be strong, please =)

words updated

when i was younger i wanna grow fast,
that i can do everything i want
when im already grown i wanna be smart,
that i can do good things good
when im already smart i wanna be pretty,
that i can be heard better
when im already pretty i wanna be true,
knowing things are real
i know things are real when i make family,
that i dont want anything more

I wrote that 12 years ago, and now I have important points to revise. 

to do everything we want is not related to age, but wisdom, which is what comes after gaining knowledge, that comes after we gain some good information.

we don't really need 'that' smart to do good things, and whether it's good or bad, the judgement is not ours. so we can just do it, anytime. Just don't forget the will beneath bismillah.

now this part is an easy one. being pretty may make people look, but not necessarily heard. being brave and sincere may work better.

and this is kinda the... challenging part. truth is, knowing which things are real in this world will always be challenging ...so just consider this only one real definite ultimate thing that we can hold for all times and circumstances. We can always turn back to Allah SWT, as to Him only, we will go back home one day, InsyaAllah.

By the way, I add notes in the last part, a few months later. that is when I've become a mother, I guess. contradictory to "I don't want anything more", I said "I want the world".

the logic behind is, that I think I want to provide as best for my baby and my family. I do, I still do. but later on, I realize how the world can be too overwhelming hahahaa ...and more, later on, i see how it doesn't really matter. 

this all everything that happens, is already available as best for us. we already have it all installed in ourselves, all the keys, antidotes, cures, anything. All we need to work on is our efforts and prayers, rest is the matter of His blessing only. All the goodness and wonders are not necessarily caused by our great skill/personality/efforts or even our endless/heartful/sincere prays, but by the blessing of Allah SWT. 

so if there is something I want to revise in this last additional part is, never forget that He already created us completely as best, that we just need to turn back to Him every now and then. So that we find Him, understand ourselves, and live a good life within truth & clarity, fulfilling our purpose. Having His blessing for here and after. that is all.

If I Really Do Have to Say Something

My father has passed away. Somebody i called papa and somebody my son called kakek. It's already been around 3 months now. Nothing really seems change. Everything still goes like usual and i seems like a heartless daughter losing her father. But not me, this is about him, whose without i wouldn't be me today, totally. I wouldn't say its delighting. There were times watching someone else's loving father (and husband) gets me envy and teary sometimes. But i never really wanted some other guy to substitute my father though. He and his trait, they enrich me. Just as i actually used to hope that i matter the same, enrich him.

He was someone who think. He was someone who love deeply. He was someone who value his pride. Nothing brings him down. No matter how people would look down to him. Someway somehow, he was someone i'd most likely into. He was someone i'd naturally had my eye on. For observing the way he think, the way he do, the way he evolve. The way he gets things done. No matter how he always been in an awkward mess. But there it goes away, my chance.

On that neatly wellcrafted day, i heard the news. I don't cry or burst a tear. Me just processing my time as his sweet gutsy daughter, as my mom's heartless companion, as my brother's slack guardian, as my fatherless sister's big sister. As a sharp niece of raged uncles and aunties, as a pokerface grandchild of hurted parents. Never as a girl's next door material, whom i always aim to, I bet he aim me to.

Me processing too my time as his marrying grownup daughter. Compromising my unintentionally cold dry relationship with him into something more like an awkward templates, of a wife, of a mom. Bringing in her husband and child to the roots of her life. No hate nor revenge, but it's not easy, for both of us, like always. I let him being shallow, he let me being awkward. I let him being uncool, he let me being cold. We both know its not easy, yet stubborn enough to keep pushing. That's while we had the time. I was pretty grateful for those particular times.

On that particularly wellcrafted time, i was on my own, in the middle of a crowd, that not allowing me to get burst. I was also in a pretty rare moment for not being accesible to my dearest life partner. And so the rest of anyone linked me to him. All of us were in a rare particular moment where we're not accessible one to another, but only on text message. So there it is. All of us had all the strong excuses to getaway safely. Thats one thing. But i have another one. All of us then too, had all the rights and freedom to process and respond in our most honest personal way. None of us coming to the funeral that day. But i believe, also on that day we put more of ourselves within him in our pray, sincerely and wholeheartedly, insyaallah.

I have a feeling, that it is what it is. Allah's scenario are just for what's best. Here and there, inside and out. If there's anything like a good closure, may he could have it. If there's anyway for all of us to reconcile, with him and ourselves, with all of our past, heart and soul, may we all could take it. If there's any chance to do better on our own capacity regarding this matter, may we all could embrace it. For what is love if it wasn't bring anything good. May he be in a good place with Allah SWT already.

RABBIGHFIRLII WALI WAALIDAYYA WARHAM HUMMA KAMAA RABBAYAANII SHAGHIIRAA

Al Fatihah

Nationalist

We must admit that we human, has tendency to see what we want to see. To hear what we want to hear. Then to believe and have faith for it. By that point, it seems like able to remark our strong characters and such things. This tendency may go even stronger when we love something/someone, or at least when we're into it.

When you're a nationalist, you love your country. It seems like, you're after positivities. You find excuses. You appreciate sugarcoat. You make ways to improve. Just then if you're smart enough, you stand for the better, and work it for good. You being true. That's my thought of a nationalist, and well, i dont think i have that much of qualification indeed. I may be not. The things are, i dont want to be only after positivities, i dont want any excuses, more over sugarcoated news.

If i ever wanted those dazzling glittery stuff, let it be about my family, or kids. Even then i won't even stop right there. Insyaallah, I will continue working it to make ways, and so on as i told before. So, if being a nationalist means i should be kinda proud blindly, or be smug over one side news, or be collectively perky about such unclear achievements, im ok not being a nationalist. And this nation, i think, pretty much needs more than that anyway. May we just could ever make ways to improve, stand for the better, and work it for good, faithfully.

There're not much of my sweet words and else related to this country. But a bunch of peoples of creativity and vibrant passions and survival skills to be really happily alive without any terms and conditions. I (sigh) pretty much care for this nation. Sometimes too much that it dissapoints me, everytime i questioned and researched, over and over again. But well, i keep on going, just always on my way. That in my adult self, turns out i feel like i still have hope too. That i could still have this country survived as a home sweet home. For me, AND my family.

In this no-boundaries era, i think that's strong. Because again, maybe it's only for my family that i would digest flaws, excuses, and sugarcoat positively. And if i would ever swallow without even digest, let it be only for Allah SWT's Islam, insyaallah. Nothing but the best, my dears. So if i could ever wish this country to stay being my family's home, written in our passport~~ well, that got to be strong, and got to be for good. For me, it's already means more than just being a nationalist. May we able to work it out.

Am i getting old?

Nowadays, i see many peoples are not only smart and bright. But also wise. And thoughtful. And cultured. And inspiring too. Even the introverts, they're everywhere, out and about. I think we really are in the peak of "everybody matters" era.

Despite all the chaos and hatred and any bizarre things, it seems kinda cool eh. But ummm... i dont know. I dont mean to be negative but i feel like kinda lost my appetite just like that. I just hope it doesnt bring me any less or worse =) i wish i have anything pretty wise too to tell, but no. Im seeing all them as bizarre. Im just not impressed x]

The world is so colorful and humans are so uniques and systems are so ...crazy. just like that. I tend to over-simplifying like that, instead of bring up the good words that may enlight the humanity...........noooo im not being sarcastic. Or maybe i do. I dont know. But well, peoples are cool lately. Whatever, thats the point. I am in the peak of cool people era.

That it kinda sucks me in and maybe... i got kinda overwhelmed. (White flag). I do random wise bizarre words since primary, but now its like i dont want to do it anymore. I dont know maybe i feel like losing my privilege or something. Coolness seems cheap today. Contents are for sale. And... i dont know... it seems like no more unique for being unique today... whatever happened everything are unique every now and then though.

And so i feel im kinda going back to old values. Religion, modesty, hard work, perseverance, honesty, sincere, afterlife.... anything unfancy. Not that i nailed it though. Im pretty much lucy-generation remember... the old millenial. I grow up knowing that i am special and any other sparkly fun facts i still cant resist. But yes... i feel like i kinda do a step back.

Is it from my character. Is it from my latest thought. Is it from my age. Is it what happened to old peoples when they stop being fun (and oh at least please maybe could start being wise). Is it what happened to old boring people when they start becomes skeptical (and oh at least please dont start looking down to younger others). Is it what happened to old boring unwise people when they choose to be righteous and so stiff (and somewhat stubborn). Am i getting old like that?

I see many peoples too, say that (in their wiser self) they start narrowing their circle of peoples. That they would rather stick with the long-known-tested circle. No longer eager to expand and start new ones. Well that im not into. Somehow in that case i think i go backward. My younger self choose small circles. As i grow, i aim bigger and bigger circles.... i think to the point i cant even tell i want any certain circles. It seems like, peoples would already do. Up to this point, I thanked Allah SWT for my beloved family, really.

So honestly, in the same time im also not so much into travel all around the world or whatsoever trending now. But some cheesy branded hand bags, i cant lie. Destinations do not mesmerize me, but any street views would do. Wise people arent impressed me much. but common civils do. Regarding to that... is there any hope that its not me getting old and boring and unwise.

Cough. Well, old and boring... its hard not to get there eh. But really... despite of im being uninspired by wise words or wise peoples lately... i hope im not going unwise. As i know Allah SWT, and as a lucy generation, and as always me myself,  i actually have faith in a good life. Being unwise and shutted down, are not any of it. So, please~~ dear me, be wise.

7 years and 7 months later

its true when they say reality will come and get you at year 7. the time when i lost count and missed the date to write milestones and everythings. the time when the stories are on its peak, that its actually really really literally (i said it over and over again like no other excuse i can tell) frustrating to start. new skills. school academics. social insight. peers. insight about ups and downs. money stuff. academic report. hobbies. preferance of activities. idolizing patterns. music hits. personal approach toward things. survival mechanism. flaws and weakness. etc etc.

i lost for words.

im not always easy. i become cold and distant in times. i can be quite heartless. you might know i dont mean to be rude, but i do show no mercy. im not much of sweet words. i do criticize. im not always logical. im a bit of heartwrecker. i do worry. yet im not much of technical. i could get you all drained and damp. i dont demand. but i could be the weight on your shoulder. yet i might not cooperate. i dont explain well. but still a lot that i want to say. i dont easily choose to be easy. i used to leave it for you to choose. and i dont make it easy.

they're kinda coming your way, aren't they?

i know how you like compliments and appreciations. i know how you always want to make me proud. i know you desperately wanting to nail everything i hand you to. i know how youre getting happy when i looked happy. i know how its frustrated you when you think youre frustrating me. i know when youre getting tired of my emotional me. i know too how you feel relieved when that emotional me gone. i know you just want to hug me and be a baby peacefully, and in the same time i know. you also want to gain powers and everything to take care of me and make sure everything will be safe and sound. i could figure all that. like somehow i just wish that you undoubtly know all these, like always.

because that, i might be lack of anyway. 

baby, you will always be my favorite person. you are. your strength are the coolest, your flaws are the cutest. you could be so annoying and clingy. sometimes youre so stubborn and bossy. but your mind does stands out, and peoples do notice your heart. your peoples, you bring them together. you make them shines, and you're never be outshined. never actually once, you bring me down. so far your flaws of all flaws existed, are my favorite ones that i could actually tolerate. as your eyes stubbornly sparkling, and your smile unconsciously surfacing, i hope that you will always remember. you have it all in you, goodness. just never give up trying, and believing.

that you are never alone, and never will. 

you are 7, and i feel like i cant tell reality any lighter :) dear shaka trah semesta, my little blink of the universe, you are nothing less than an ultimate bless to me. and no matter how little we always are, we have nothing less than the ultimate love and protection. it's not always about reality, not to mention which one. go rooting, some wandering, know your creator, get yourself together, be a whole, do good, find truth. Don't bother with happiness, they're always just around the corner :) you are blessed, we are.

it's always about faith, there goes reality, like i love you.

.

.

.

Al Fatihah

shaka, age 6

loves Octonauts,  Peppa Pig, and Ben and Holly.
but always says that he's fan of Ninjago and Ben 10, for the sake of coolness.

has Mixel lego creature in his wishlist for a year.
but when its time to buy, always falling for Korean cute-tech savvy vehicle-robot like Superwings.

loves Transformers literally because it can transform.
then he creates anything that transform while in imaginary-playing.

having his first robot toy and so happy about it.

dislike minions.
doc mcstuffin is a guilty pleasure.

his girlfriends say he is cute.
he says back grumpily, "no i'm cool!"
then the girl will even go crazier.

has cried watching a movie for the first time, A Good Dinosaur.
cry like a river, and the gloomy thought remaining for days.

got over Sammie ToysRUs channel.
big fan of Evantube HD channel.
cant get enough of VAT19.com
......imaginarily having his page at shaka/vat19.com
.......that's how he put his mark on some papers or walls

don't want monotonous order in a restaurant
"nanti aja liat dulu dong di restorannya ada apa"
and he keeps end up in good old chicken steak, chicken rice, nasi lele, or mi ayam.

demanding for his own adult-style, no, man-style wallet.
he got it, so happy about it, very possesive about it.

waiting his tooth falling out.
means he's growing up and its so cool.
means tooth fairy can exchange it for some money for his wallet.

like to keep his hair long.
want to have pimples.
keep losing his flipflops.
like to have his tops tucked in his pants.

loves subject science, PE, IT
always get challenged by math quizzes.

have many places int he world he wanted to visit.

that keeps him love learning and schooling.

desperately wanna grow up.
but want to stay with mommy forever.
willing to buy a land near this home of ours
so when he has to move out he will live near still

believe that papi can do everything.
i'm still failing to explain that it's not true.

keep drawing anything with rainbow.
all titled with "Its A Beautiful Day"
he always put the color in correct order.
start to mention about finding treasure in the end of the rainbow.

value his go-to-bed prayer so much.

when im not around, he yells
"mama, bismika-nya berapa kali? 1 apa 3 apa 5?"
"...3 aja deh kayak biasa ya"
"kalo kata Allah bilangnya apa?"
"........." 

when half asleep already, he whispers
"mama, shaka di-bismillah-in..."

well.......i always do, kid. 
i always do.

pacaran

we were in a foodcourt waiting for your lunch, when one friendly college girl come to our table. she was from your almamater so i let her explain about some fundraising something, until the food is come. the highlight next is as i predicted :)

s- ma itu kakaknya udah kuliah? bener?
m- iya, kenapa? *grin
s- jadi udah punya pacar...?
*nyengir antara excited, malu, sama penasaran

if this was my first cue, i will be somewhat panicked i believe. but this was not. my first cue is few weeks back when i clean up around while watching you watching tv. it was even only one child-ish romantic scene in a cartoon, before then you turn your head with big smile and sparkly eyes, and say rightaway "mama, shaka mau cepet kuliah deh"

wait....... no, thats not actually the very first cue. its been going on these few last months probably. about liking a girl, getting into primary, growing up, tv channel upgraded, no more bright adventurous disney junior, welcome sloppy geeks disney channel or cool kidsheroes from disney xd. the transition is yes going on although im still trying my best to delay it by filtering movies and others.... and that pacaran-jokes people always throw *ugh* forcing kids like growing older than they actually are.

homeworks for mom are lined up. once i ever explained short and simple and easy about pacaran; is like happened when some couple already grown up like in college and about to get married. well because we the parents met in college, just cant fake it. all in all its been said that it must happen when both party already grown up once again, settled with oneselves... but it seems now i got to make it even clearer, so you dont just jump over conclusions eh. parents homeworks do line up. coupling. timing. feeling... not to mention about finding the one *double ugh*.

back to his first actual initiation, "mama, shaka pengen cepet kuliah". i kinda yawned, trying to look just cool and easy. because they say theres nothing good about over reacting. but well, then i began to put the idea about how fun being kids, the advantages and else, in like every chance i met. including that time when we're lounging in the foodcourt.

we watched peoples skating on the ice rink. he never try, it makes him excited. he asked if i can play. then i say i used to be able, but when i was a kid. dont know if i can still do it now when im adult, got to try again. because adult doesnt play nor skating that much. adult is busy with things, works, and else... and kids on the contrary can have so many fun things to do, to play :) i got you baby. moments like that do happen, when you say bright and clear, "then no i dont wanna grow up mama". yeah until reality knocked, and lets go back to the college girl coming. haha.

boy, pacaran is not suddenly happen when you entering college. not every people in college, not even every adult, pacaran. or luckily finding the one, that will be another chapter yes. i dont even wanna mention (yet) that some (many) kids from highschool, middle school, even primary school (ugh) do pacaran. still, i keep my words for the ground base. pacaran meant to be grown ups who like (love) each other and already settled with themselves and about to get married. later i believe me (or you) will improvise. again, on another chapter. haha. i believe in improvisation as much as i believe in pattern guidelines.

btw i actually already have one guideline draft about some wife material xD i copy and develop it from some list on pinterest. but come into this actual moment for having words to tell, i feel like im done with references. i have my very own words. it might not go straight into wife material, but i think its already on the way. well, like we always are. one thing may lead to another. lets just take our time :)

just be friend, be a good one :) be with someone you would appreciate and appreciate you back. be with someone you would respect and respect you back. be with someone kind and motivate you to be even kinder. be with someone content with themselves, yet recognize the other selves. someone you can always be yourself with, and if you are lucky, together you will make the best version of yourselves :) be with someone you can always laugh with. that someone who has the ability to laugh happily about themselves and all the little things around, not only towards others. be with someone happy and could make you even happier. that together you may bring some more happiness to others. then the world might be a little happier place, not only for you, but for everyone too :) later on that is, actually sounds a lot like love already.

just never forget the first thing first, be true to yourself and Allah SWT. love will find a way anyway. Bless you baby :)

welcoming 5 years old kid

good morning my soon-no longer-a baby kid. my all time favorite boy. my number one in the world :) selamat pagi mas...

before you entering the age of start remembering (i assumed), there are certain things id like to tell. things id wish you to know. things for least i need to deliver :)

your father and your mother arent the very best people in the world. we arent even the most adorable person, as you may think so :) we have flaws, so many. we make mistakes, so often. we hate and hurt people, in a particular sometimes... 

your father and your mother arent always the most wise and know-it-all. we most of the times, are just trying to figure out things :) things to do with us, with you, with other peoples, the world. we most of the times are just praying and working, for things to work out, right and good, as smooth as possible.

yes, those might sounds uneasy. but no matter what the truth is, thats actually not my point. the thing is, that no matter what, still you will always have us. even in a gazillion stars distance, or in a tiniest piece of rain second, or in a darkest blindness of moment, or even in a flaming hell of a bursting anger. you will always have us. or in simpler way, we are actually yours.

then come the second thing. that you are actually way moooore beyond all that. since the very beginning to the very last, you will always have your own, Shaka Trah Semesta :) well, we dont name you after ours. and if its happened, naming you after something, its the universe. but no, its not about how huge it is. its even actually about only a blink of eye. time when you have to get back to your inner self. that you already have it all within yourself. your universe. its about faith :) 

“Inama Amruhu Idza Arada Sya’ian An Yaqula Lahu Kun Fayakun” (QS. Yasin: 82).

your father and your mother arent the most noble and religious person. its kinda unnecesarry to tell our belief assumed :) but all we know is that Allah SWT been so kind to us. like all the time. fulfilling every slit and slot of our life. and its been ultimately genius and wonderfully crafted. there how i know that Allah SWT love us. like so much. and never stop. no matter what. and these all, includes you. its so magical that how can we not love back.

life is good, mas. we will always around. Allah will always with you. and more than anything, you will actually always have yourself. do love, and things will find a way.
to be true, to be kind, to be good, to be happy. 

we all love you, infinity times infinity.

battle of style: the closing

291012

Few days ago, I was kinda remain about a pray, a confusion, and an unsolved question...

Berani karena benar. Takut karena salah.

I might begin with that, but no. That's not positive enough for me. And I'm not supposed to be afraid. I know, I wasn't wrong though.

Dan teringat saat kebingungan beberapa waktu lalu. Kalau bukan orang tua yang pingin punya anak penurut, lalu kemudian apa?

There I was in a situation that remind me why. Why I'm here of all the version of a happy life. Why I don't actually want such only an obey kiddos, even without good reason to say.

Jadilah lebih dari sekadar penurut, fu kecil. Milikilah kekuatan untuk beranjak mencari kebenaran, kenalilah. Milikilah keberanian untuk memilihnya, setulus hati. Milikilah kecerdasan untuk dapat melakukannya, dengan kebaikan.

Peoples remind me about karma. Actually I'm not really sure if its good or bad, doing things this way. But for sure, it isn't easy, technically and mentally. That includes me telling these all to you, too ^^ grow big baby, grow good, grow happy...

Dan ketika terasa sampai di ujung jalan, ternyata kebingungan. Seperti ada kesalahan. Hati dan pikiran, ucapan dan perbuatan, tidak bisa diselaraskan. Maka bukanlah takut. Tetaplah berani, untuk berserah. Yang Maha Kuasa ada di sana, selalu, memeluk.

Never forget, to let God do the rest. Right after you made your steps and pray. Right after you did your best, even at your worst, inside out. Have faith ^^

school boy

Akhirnya mencoba menulis mencicil via bb demi tulisan gak keputus dgn tanggungnya seperti yg lalu :p

Another few days more, and you my dearest lil boy, will start your first day of school. Yes. Not another trial class on the go. But the real one, as an official new student :) in Shining Stars it is.

Its not the first school came to our mind actually, as u can read in my previous post about school plan. But then we made up our mind, regarding the everythings.
And somehow, back to my very first post about dreamlist that includes school looong ago, there you can see the picture of the same school you will enter though :)

There I hope you can have more of the prologue and guidance entering the real world, with near-to-real community and peoples. More of someone and knowledge to trust and count on. More of sometimes and faith to hold on :)

Later we may drown into cheers and joy, as we might slip onto bitter and pain. Later we may find spirit and passion as we might meet words and judges.
Later we may see world at it best, even if there'll always come the rainy days. And later we even may see pieces of peace in a rainy day, laid in only a cup of coffee. Or milk. Or cola :)

I myself might also will start a new phase of being a parent of yours, facing a battle of ideal cultural values, common city issues, life-changing choices, and else. Gyah! :D *anxious already

The thing is, as I ever heard before, that you going to school my boy, is maybe more like a milestone for us, your parents. Its like the words soon to come...

Life is yours baby, make your move, do your choice, don't forget to smile, and embrace it all :) amen.

Ps: the date is tomorrow by now, have fun schooling my toddler boy! ^^

when the (later) time is come (1st letter)

:later will come when the time is come. you'll know it when you know it:

hihihi... statement usil dari mama usil yg habis baca postingan terakhir *hey (later), datengnya jgn cepet2 yaw ^_*

hey shaka baby, i have a present =D this below is your father's first letter, it arrived this noon on facebook. i copy this just in case he forgot documenting this first glorious milestones of him.

karena papanya suka sibuk ngeksis sendiri *hahahah*

Dear son,

I've heard many good things about you in the end of this week you have been successful through the journey at a family gathering without the thundering cries, congratulations. I also heard you will eat papaya today, after yesterday you eat a banana and avocado. I apologize for not always able to accompany you to do good things for the first time. But I'm sure, with your mother by your side, you will be better able to learn how to become a man.

my clarification: no thundering cries, but there still were the famous serial cries though =D hahaha, its ok, mama still likes that. and yes, you eat your first papaya this noon, and you seems like it. and yes, you will become a (good) man. hihihi...

The best thing in this week I've heard is that you have to crawl for the first time, ... yes, you are now a crawling baby.. Congratulation again son,..

my another clarification: it was your first crawl son, but it didnt mean that you already are capable of crawling, ok ^o^ but still, congrats! you already did good on your almost 6mos.

And now, I think is the right time to write my first letter to you, a simple letter that might be a pathway to life in the future. yes, ..I wrote this because you already started to crawl now, you are crawling baby….

Son, may you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who hate, and let that love embrace you as you go out into the world. May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them. Remember, those lives you have touched and whose have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than the form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time each day to see beauty and love in the world around you. Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience. May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments. May you always feel loved.

Son, I think it’s enough, I do not want to write a long letter, which will only make you fall asleep when your mother read it to you.

no, your papa made mistakes here. you (we) won't fall asleep reading this. we even should keep our eyes, our head, and connection to google translate fully awake =D but well, the several times repeat reading could be worth this time. QC passed =) thats why i didnt do any interruption in several paragraph above.

Finally, I deliberately included a few people in this note to tell you, those are some of the great people, and may be will become a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished, and you can take good things from them all…

and if only i (or you) would add some more person, we can just pick it randomly. the point is that, there are so many good things around, even sometimes its become too many, that its forgiven if in this case, sometimes you just want to throw the coins =)

w/ love,
your dad.

PS: Son, if your mother read this letter too fast for you, tell her to repeat it, more slowly ...

na ah, you won't need me reading this to you. i bet your father just cant help for adding some ps: in the bottom of his letter =p

oh and not to forget, i also add this note below the letter on facebook:

and you can collect my letters someday in some particular times with your father who will tell where the letters are and when the particular time is ^_*

so here you are baby, surrounding by my world of letters ^^ enjoy!

hihihi... *cium pipi terus kabur*

semesta ku

ada pagi-pagi yang tk suka ada di dlm taksi. iya, taksi, bukan cuma mobil ber ac =D karena di setiap mobil ber ac yg sekarang-sekarang ini biasanya nggak ada mvikonya, dan kalo cuma mobil ber ac tk maunya yg ada mvikonya.

disini adalah tentang kenyamanan. melihat dunia dari luar, begitu tk bilang.

dingin, dan tenang, juga menenangkan, lebih aman. juga lebih nyaman buat mviko pasti kan, untuk tahu tk ada di jalan di dlm taksi.

adalah waktu istirahat yang menyenangkan. duduk aja, pemandangan udah seliweran.

bangunan,langit, pohon, lampu, dan orang-orang di jalanan. tanpa bising tanpa debu tanpa waspada sudah sampai mana.

adalah pergelaran mewah yang tk suka. nggak perlu tiket atau cover charge yang lebih mahal dari sekedar argo.

pun masih boleh tidur dan bengong tanpa mikir apa-apa. sungguh me time colongan yang mahal harganya =D

ada pagi-pagi yang tk suka diliputi kenyamanan tanpa terusik. menjadi tk sebenar-benarnya tk, sendirian ^^

hedon deh pokoknya, sesuatu yg selalu menggiurkan meski harus bayar. hihihi...

tapi ada juga pagi-pagi yang tk suka ada di jalanan. pagi-pagi di mana kayaknya tk dipeluk semesta ^_*

matahari yg terlalu cerah tanpa bikin silau, langit awan dan angin yang lewat kencang tanpa bikin dingin atau kelilipan, pohon yang tiba-tiba jadi terasa artistik sekaligus ajaib, orang-orang yg terlihat sangat-sangat normal, nuansa ketawa, nangis, diam, muram, cemberut, marah atau emosi apapun yg tiba-tiba terlihat sangat wajar, kehidupan yg berputar, dengan isinya yg sangat banyak. termasuk debu dan lumut di pinggiran kaca bus, recehan jatoh ga ada yg liat, tong sampah yg ga pernah diliat isinya, koran gorengan dari kertas ujian, coretan di tembok stasiun, tempelan pamflet bertumpukan lewat 5 generasi, dan cepretan lainnya yang nggak penting buat dipikirin tapi lucu juga buat disebutin. halah...

Sungguh nggak ada harganya sih, tapi ada waktunya hal-hal kecil spt itu bisa lebih menenangkan, kalo emg terlalu naif untuk dibilang membahagiakan. kita yang bisa melihat, mendengar, dan memikirkan krecekan itu sungguh adalah orang yang kaya, dan nggak perlu dijelaskan lagi betapa kayanya kita yang punya kesempatan untuk bisa menuliskannya, terlebih di blog ^_^

sebutkan anak-anak itu yang nggak mendapat kesempatan untuk kenal pentingnya mandi dan remaja-remaja yang nggak mendapat kesempatan untuk kenal pentingnya kasih dan orang tua-orang tua yang nggak mendapat kesempatan untuk mengasuh anak lebih baik dari yang dia tahu, memang adalah hal-hal yang menyedihkan. dan untuk menyentuhnya, memang menakutkan, tapi ternyata disitu ada keinginan yang menghasilkan doa, hal terbaik yang bisa menjadi penutup hari.

menjadi sehat adalah karunia, dengannya menjadilah baik. menjadi baik adalah bahagia, dan dengan menjadi pintar bawakanlah bahagia kepada yang lainnya. mereka akan menghidupkan keberanian, yang menjadikanmu kuat. saat terang maupun gelap, saat senang maupun sedih, saat menang maupun kalah, saat benar maupun salah. lepas dari sekadar jadwal dan teori, melewati batas norma dan tradisi, menjadi sejujur-jujurnya jujur, karena kita telah diciptakan dengan sebaik-baiknya baik.

adalah sebuah doa dan syukur yang menjadikan setiap pagi dan semesta berbahagia. life is good, you are good.