The Wish

I was so close for being naughty today. So close. That close. Until it was only in seconds i switched back to things i supposed to do. Things i scheduled to do. Things i was not feeling i was actually into. Not that its so important too, but yes they're things i supposed to do. Alhamdulillah that or this all just come easy. Alhamdulillah.

I almost skip class mommies meeting today, as i already confirm to come to them, and my dearest two. Just like skipping class back then in my school year, once in a particular while, when i just want to be gone. That easy. So easy. But anyway, now im on my way there. I'll be late and still trying to be my content self.

Actually i could just go to the nearest mall and do useful stuff though. I planned to deposit some cash, to have my haircut (that already postponed for months), to find a laser pointer for the boy, to go to pharmacy getting another testpack, and grab my favorite local coffee while waiting school pickup time. That easy. So easy. I might regret my decision and i'm not really into these mommies anyway. But im already on my way anyway. My wiser autopilot way, hopefully.

I was crying this late morning. Crying for something like i havent done it for pretty long. I was sad. Upset. Afraid. Worry. Pity. Wishfulthinking. Well, maybe i still am. I feel my face is like swollen and its still kinda warm around my eyes. But i think i still am feeling positive. Its not like im in a deep shit or something, totally not. Alhamdulillah that or this all still come easy. Alhamdulillah.

I was just. Like. Making a wish. That i really want it to come true. I cant tell how bad. But maybe at least its bad enough to make me wanting to be gone. Turns out im not really used to make a wish. I pray for bless, peace, strength, love, and wisdom for each and everytime. But yeah, finally a particular wish do come. May it be for good. May it be for best. For each and everyone. Allahu akbar.

mother's day posting

:its not that im unblessed, but unlike another blessed daughter, i'd rather start by straightly saying, no i don't want to be like mom:

she is a fun person, actually. but she has this cranky mood making her somewhat hysterical. easily got panicked, or lost in a deep euphoria, or dramatically drown herself down by such imaginary fear and catastrophe. hwow, its a definitely unhealthy, yes? um... its just that i know that she is not her all the time. i mean, its time who has carried her all the way.

there was a time at school i would say that she is my role model, such an idol character. although i remember i was saying it because i didn't know who else i should admit. but i think its pretty something, at least for someone like me. well, i used to sort myself pretty well i guess. herself coming at my mind by the time isn't instant though. i mean, i remember that i really found certain facts along the way.

i cannot tell much about it. if you ever got a chance to meet her, you'll see. she is lovable, fun, chatty, a bit childish... errr.... or yes, child-like -___-' she is quite interesting, very lively comparing to me. she is such a free thinker trapped in a body full of norms and terms... maybe i'm a bit overrated here. but i think, thats a pretty good term too for her, overrated. ahaha, yes she's just that special.

but still, no lah, i don't want to be like her. and i think she actually wouldn't want me to be like her either. but ever heard the words "a man cursed for won't ever be like his dad, and a woman cursed for gotta be like her mom"... yeah, thats hell scarry... nooo, i don't want to be such an unstable adult laughing and weeping both effortlessly like mooom... gotta ground... gotta ground now...

its just, there's this one thing i found out after i delivered a baby. i was and i maybe still am such a weak, clumsy, careless, stubborn yet vulnerable person turning into a mom. my flaws leads me scared and worried. and by that point i realized, there's this one thing, i ultimately wanted from my mom. of all her flaws, characters, habbits, that could have been been passed to me, i hope there's this one thing (or if its possible, this one thing only =p) been through in my blood. my origin.

it was the love to be me. the happiness for being myself, and not wanting another. another person to be, another person to be with. another world to be lived. another heart and experiences to be in. yeah, of all her flaws i really wondered how she could made me that way. and heartfully hope, that at that point, i could do the same for my baby, for least. yeah, of all her flaws, eventually she filled me good enough.

so kiddo, hail to oma!!! and i, as a loving daughter, as usual, will just be there to poke her :D isn't that cute? ...happy mother's day mama. God knows how worthy you are. i know. and that's not the reason why i love you, so don't you worry :D HUG.

little missy

Sometimes I wonder how I could survive missing you far away there...

I've been busy for quite a while. I left a lot of things. Events, moments, milestones, and of course, thoughts.

Nanananana... Where should I start...

1st, I think I started to tweet actively since yesterday. I kinda got the 'click' already. Now I sorta understood about what nesha said about blogging in twitter. Due to my lack of time updating this blog or even my daily journal, I guess, yes twitter could be an effective mini blog. But yeah, unconsidering the followers though. But ah, my necessity seem more urgent than that, at least for now, when I don't have any system working yet. I don't want to run out of moments no more... Its sadful. A big loss to me...

2nd, I miss my boys. One of them is surviving his worklife in the jungle, and the other growing up so fast that I can't barely notice every single changes. Its annoying, yet so amusing. Watching every inch of him still feels amazing. Seeing and remembering how he could be delivered here also still feel like a bless. I don't want to forget that, while I began to miss a little bit of this and that. Such as the erruption of the 5th tooth... No matter how cheesy it could be sound, still its very, I mean VERY annoying.

Fuh... The he's in the jungle is always be my best medicine. Ah... Haven't I told about the delivery ya... Earlier then I was remember about his saying right after the delivery, that I was so good and he were so proud of me. Yea, those formal and tipical words that you could easily adopt from a movie scene or magazine. Its just that I know that he's not that smart to lie, he's not that passionated to be such a sweet, and he's even obviously not that smart to control himself by the time. And so, yes I could take those saying from him truthfully.
It makes me think, after all achievements and else, that's the 1st time I really proud of myself. I mean, ME proud with myself, and like it. That's what came to my mind at the night after my baby was born. So this is it what to be proud is. And it feels right, the way I like it.
I had it even double. 1st, I proud that I could make him proud. 2nd, I proud that I could bring the baby good. 3rd, I proud that the baby is mine, ours. Yea, of all the reasons I ever had to be proud, I wonder why I pick those 3 reason.
1st- he might just say it emotionally, 2nd- no actually the process definitely not that smooth, I don't breathe properly (not because of I forgot nor losing control, but I've tried and I failed that its too hurt I can't barely managed), and the 3rd reason- really sounds selfish to me :p (yea let's face it, I make a good friend with contradiction since I don't know when but its already quite long).

But no matter how absurd it sounds, as I said before, I felt damn proud, and it feels right, and I like it. No other comparison. Thank you for both of my boys. I really do hope it could lead me to something good for both of you too. That I could answer your belongs with us here nicely, and that I could bring the pride your father has given to me into reality. And I guess, I would try to proove my rightness to be proud, for let's say, yea, my whole life. Um...yea, I usually don't let my self happy that easy. Its an illness.

Ah... So many things still rounding. And the night started to weigh on my eyes. Um.... I love you ya.

rush hour

I arrived home yesterday, at least :sigh:
I left (too) many things behind. I feel full. I can't record my baby's growth as well. I can't count my days no more. I passed several milestones and dates without noting it down. I feel lost. That makes me kinda irritated :sigh:
I need my routines badly... I'm such a wreck without schedules... I need to maintain myself, or else I tend to ruin up things :sigh:
Things are ruined up already by the way. My right hand is sick. Now I can feel the pain at almost every move, including when I zip and unzip my pants. I can't pick up things neatly, that includes my cup of tea. I can't hold my baby comfortly, that it limits me pretty much to do some plays with him. And I can't keep complaining about the pain, I feel overrated if I do. But yes, tell me I'm spoiled or anything, I need doctor. I don't know what else, and its pretty much ruining my days :sigh:

battery low

i miss you...

i miss home

....

two (fine) days w/ shaka

the good thing of being a full time mother is the ability to keep watching. the good thing of being a working mother is the power of missing.

the good thing of a part timer mother is the combination of both. and the good thing of a part timer mother without helper is the chance to get the most of it.

:menghibur diri sendiri mode on:

got so many things to say actually.

from the good ones. have handed the highchair! graco tea time sprint it is . have established the box! graco pack n' play it is, even with a better pattern and color, thanks to papa for going hunting in itc just like a mad mom =D then its worth every penny.

and both are worked out! it's a definite worked for the highchair, that it suceeds shaka's crave while blw-ing, and he also already got used to be in it while spoonfeeding. and the box did a good job of my main aim, to secure, a safe sanctuary. but not yet his favorite spot to sleep though. but its kinda figured. i'll just wait.

so many new milestones also come from those good ones. uh... i actually want to make it clearer and more detailed... but if i didn't drill it now, im afraid i'll lose it.

my baby is now crawling, half climbing, babbling (sedikit curiga dua kata pertamanya adalah 'udah' dan 'nggak' ...because he seems mentions it a lot, and oftenly came out in such suitable moments). he has found his penis, and cant stop grabbing it harshly. he also has found his mother-toes, and got tasted it too =p

he's also already got used to poo in his potty, or else (i guess) he won't do it satisfactorily. and papaya really do a big great job for it. its his favorite fruit, and so is his must-fruit. since then i dont know is it his poo smelled like papaya, or the papaya which smelled like his poo. so if you ask me about papaya, well, we have an ultimate love-hate relationship =p

he's in love with playing hide and seek, and sometimes like waiting to be surprised or be tickled. and when hes doing that, his eyes won't stop brightly staring and his mouth won't closed. i like it seeing him like a happy life-enjoyer.

the other good things are his wet kisses and his grinny giggles. now it seems like he knows how he made me feel. i gotta be careful. but so far he doing good. like patiently waiting me wake up in the morning by quietly playing by himself, or like this afternoon, calmly accompanying me watching dvd with his dinner on the queue. ha! =D such a nice boy of mine.

then comes the bad ones. the series that flashed in my head few days ago. the spoiled phase of 7mos boy - 2nd time teething - new schedules of foods introduction - out of helper - my classes almost come to its midterm - schedule change of my pick-up person - its ramadhan, means near to lebaran, means near to 1st time travel with shaka, and his solid food, and either heavy or wide demand of rutinity, and also on the contrary, his making of dramatic reactions and movements.

i was kinda fed up back then.what a solid cranky series... it just that now i kinda got the key, so that i could still and hopefully will be able to rule the house. i gotta be showered at least once a day. really, now is the time when shower felt like a luxury. my ultimate recharge moment.

and afterall, i feel blessed having my days off like these 2 days. it really paid off. these are such days that boost me better into monday, such another working day. it just... it'll be even better if i could have more time to preview my lesson plan and prepare my teaching aids.... blah. i will work on it. soon i will got it work. trust me. (yea, im a bit obsessed with mothers without helpers in abroad , so what)

well, i actually kinda like this better than before when the helper's around. being in charge for the house, fully =p its just, i gotta be realistic. for the sake of keeping my head sane, and of course, for the sake shaka's routines.

and anyway, perhaps, in some parts i dont know what, a helper is the thing that makes the good of a good working mother. and for the flaws and the rest, we just have to face it. amen.

may things got back into (a better) routines, soon.

daysleeper

lately i forgot feeling sleepy at night

and lately im not good at night sleep

and im not used to take a nap

that now its like i scramble days into one

lately i forgot how delicious a night sleep could be

and lately i dont know how and when to say good night

and so the days seems not over yet

that everything still seems so awake and tasteful

lately i forgot any of my good night sleep

and lately it seems didnt matter that much

i curl beside you as i watch you hear you feel you

the world just simply turns around you, dear

guess thats why i'd like for a companion.

no, i need companion.

and its you.

my only another definition of you.

mother's week

minggu kedua sibuk-sibuk di luar rumah. status papa: kerja di hutan. status anak sayang: di rumah sama eyang. status mama: gelayapan di luar spt nggak ada kerjaan, main-main di stasiun ngeliatin jalanan, kedinginan di ruang seminar belajar caranya ngurus anak orang, pulang cuma untuk tidur sama-sama anak sayang... peluk sini... mamanya yg berlebihan kok... cuma capek aja.

assignment a.k.a pr training semakin banyak. dan karena materi yg didpt sdh semakin banyak, rasanya pr nya jd semakin susah. mudah-mudahan karena sdh semakin pintar. karena yg penting materi training nya terasa berguna. jam tidurnya juga otomatis semakin berkurang. tapi mudah-mudahan tidurnya jg jd semakin efektif dan tepat guna. buat mamanya, buat mashaka.

yang akan dihadapi berikutnya adalah observasi dan praktek ngajar. kali ini harus beneran jd performer, setelah sekitar 25tahun, kalo bisa ilang mah ilang aja deh daripada maju ke depan. amin.

dan tadi setelah naik ojek 75rb menerpa macet-macet dan hujan badai, ada bom meledak di rumah. yangkungnya akhirnya tak kuasa menahan anyel dan marah. mamanya sudah mengecewakan inisiatif yangkung untuk menjemput, ditambah 11 panggilan tak terjawab. punya hp nggak bisa dipake komunikasi. fyuh, hebatnya yangkung yg baru kelepasan sekarang, dan hebatnya yangti yg masih berusaha menetralisir, padahal pasti anyel juga. maaf... tk terlanjur terbiasa dan nyaman dgn hp disilent pun...

dan karena sifatnya akumulatif, bomnya meledak kemana-mana. smp ttg kasian anak sayang yg kagetan, yg sptnya adalah salah mamanya yg kealusan, nggak dilepas aja semua-semua. fyuh, jdnya urusan anak-org tua lagi deh. papanya nggak disini pun, mamanya jd berasa terjun bebas. drop. berasa smp ulu hati. hihi. malah jd keinget lagi yg udah-udah, yg lain-lain.

rumah pamulang suka protes di bagian anak sayang yang kadang nangisan. di bagian anak sayang yang kadang marah nggak ilang-ilang. di bagian rutinitas harian yg santai kaya di pantai, penyikapan barang bayi yang tanpa pengistimewaan. kalimatnya adalah: anak mama dulu nggak ada yang begini nih. atau, kalo mama dulu sih semua yang untuk bayi dipisahin dulu semua, bersihin steril dulu semua, dst dsb. nggak ada cerita alat masak dan alat makan bayi barengan sama dewasa.

rumah batang akhirnya skrg kedengeran deh suaranya. di bagian penjagaan yg terlalu protektif sama kuman dan ribut-ribut sepertinya. mungkin juga di bagian pembentukan rutinitas harian, dengan beberapa pembentukan kebiasaan. ritual bangun pagi, ritual main siang, ritual sebelum tidur, dst dsb. kalimatnya adalah: kalo anak jaman dulu kan dilepas aja gitu, gebyah uyah *kalo ga salah*, jadi kuat. atau, dicopot aja celananya, biar enteng. nggak masalah sama pipis atau pup atau apapun.

efeknya juga jadi akumulatif ternyata. lucu kan ^_^ ya ya... orang tua dimana aja sama kayanya. sampe nggak bisa sebel. karena insyaallah masih bisa bandel. tk kan sama mviko kan pokoknya.

untuk rumah pamulang: ya maaf, emangnya anak sayang anak siapa? mamanya pendiam dan baik hati, papanya idealis dan penuh strategi, emang bukan anaknya oma kan... dan jadwal itu ada kok, cuma emangnya harus sama? nggak kan... dan barang-barang sudah dipilah-pilah kok mana yg perlu dipisah dan disteril, demi efektivitas dan higienitas kan... kan sebenernya sama, tujuannya untuk anak sayang kan...

untuk rumah batang: jadwal itu perlu, untuk membantu anaknya adaptasi sama proses tumbuh kembang nanti. tapi fleksibel kok, kan emg dlm kenyataan akan selalu ketemu dgn acara2 tak terduga atau acara2 yg harus dihadapi dgn melawan arus jadwal. kemudian, pampers itu iya, jahat, karena kimia dan plastik, non breatheable. tapi konsep kering itu emang perlu. kalau kering kan anaknya jg nyaman. dan pup serta pipis, jelas kuman, sama sekali bukan masalah mamanya risihan. dan popok kain adalah solusi. dan nggak ada hubungannya sama kaki o. fyi, kaki o itu urusannya sama vitamin d, kalsium, dsb. dan fyi lagi, di eropa dan amerika sana, bayi baru lahir jg udah pake popok kain, udah pake gendongan depan.

emang sih, info-info ini produk baca-baca aja, tanpa pengalaman pribadi. mamanya kan jg masih belajar. tapi, semua sudah dipilah-pilah dan sedapat mgkn disesuaikan dgn yg sdh umum terjadi kok. kan aneh rasanya kalo tau info dan tips terbaik tapi nggak diusahakan untuk dilakukan. dan yg terpenting, semua sdh lolos qc sama mviko kan, tk sama-sama mviko kan... soalnya kalo nggak tk jg nggak tau lagi... dan selebihnya adalah maaf, kalau adalah karakter tk yg bikin shaka jadi begini atau begitu. buat rumah pamulang, karena adalah rumah pertama tk dan tidak 100% panutan. buat rumah batang, karena sudah berusaha sabar sikap yg tetap sopan dan penuh sayang.

dan seolah-olah belum cukup, stok asi habis. rutinitas pompa asi terganggu. trainingnya kaya sekolah, istirahat jarang dan nggak ada 1 jam. jadilah di minggu kedua ini susu baru dipompa jam makan siang, dan nggak sakit! artinya produksi jd sedikit. hhhh... bismillah bertahan sedikit lagi ya... habis ini jd banyak lagi ya... pas-pasan jg nggak pa-pa... tk msh mau mimik shaka smp 2 tahun... kali ini bukan cuma karena demi kebaikan mashaka aja...

capek,... untung udh smpt cerita yg nyenengin dipostingan lalu... mama kangen shaka. mama kangen papa. mama kangen rumah...

home sweet home

:dan kita bernafas bersama, seperti tidak ada yang lebih penting lagi di dunia:

seperti sdg ada di penghujung liburan. setelah melewati beberapa fase hidup tak terlupakan.

now i have it all the way ^_^ ada mviko - lulus kuliah - pengangguran di rumah mama - kerja smp gila - pacaran long distance - kerja sambil kosan - kerja dengan senangnya - kerja bareng mviko - nikah - kontrak rumah berdua - mviko ke hutan, tk main sendirian - happy wifey working girl routines - hamil - peluk 24jam - kos kamar yg lbh nyaman - hidup lebih sehat, jalan lebih lambat, kerja seenaknya - menunggu ke rumah mama - ada shaka - rusuh-rusuh hari pertama - di rumah batang - di rumah pamulang - kontrak rumah bertiga plus mbak dari mama - di rumah bertiga asli bertiga - tk becoming stay-at-home mother - sekarang di rumah bertiga plus mbak sendiri - berikutnya tk becoming part timer, atau insyaallah working-at-home mother - dan alhamdulillah untuk itu semua, dan bismillah untuk kedepannya.

kira-kira seminggu terakhir ini seperti bisa merasakan shaka yg seperti udh tau konsep rumah, ada mamanya, ada papanya, ada mbaknya. shaka udh jadi bayi kecil yg bisa nyaman di rumah, perlu adaptasi di rumah orang, dan tau serunya jalan-jalan. yg seminggu terakhir ini terasa itu adalah waktu sampai di rumah, geletakan di kamar. spt tk sama mviko kalo lagi leye-leye dgn senengnya, mata dan ekspresinya keliatan sangaaaaaat nyaman. posisi badannya lemes yg relaks bgt, ngoceh-ngoceh pelan dgn nada santai, guling-guling seenaknya tanpa waspada, diuyel-uyel atau dicuekin juga diem aja. dan matanya, keliatan sangat-sangat tenang, bahagia, lengkap, nggak kurang suatu apapun. insyaallah. no in this part i dont care if what im saying sounds subjective or anything. he does recognize us ^_^ he does recognize home.

and also in the mean time, he's seems like able to intentionally staring. deeply staring, trying to conceive whatever he could conceive, and then slowly smiling. as if there's nothing else left to do. as if there's no sadness and harm could exist. as if i'm the only one to him. as if here-with-me is the the center of the world, and nothing else matter then. while to me is definitely the opposite. gosh. how can i not love you who's started with only me to love ^_^ finally now i found my own story about being a mother. that another cheesy-but-true-mind-blowing-thought.

and actually, this whole home sweet home thing to me, are mind-blowing. within you both, i'm definitely the luckiest. and amen.

manja

habis ini beneran harus dijadwal harinya. udahan nggak 100% nya. soalnya kalo lancar dan puas , rasanya tdk optimal. tapi kalo pusing dan jadi pikiran, optimal bgt, smp pusing beneran ky sekarang :tarik-tarik rambut:

minggu ini *agak* sibuk kejar deadline bebenah urusan online, sebelum mulai per-lia-an, takut keteter, nggak mulai2. urusan shaka jd ter ba gi. fyuh, trnyata kalo di udah rumah tp nggak pegang shaka rasanya *lebih* frustasi. karena ngeliat shakanya harus sama mbaknya terus. satu sisi tenang masnya anteng, di sisi lain aktivitasnya jd berkurang, dia bisa liat mamanya tapi kok nggak diajak main *yg ini imajinasi liar mamanya aja kali ya* dan mgkn krn rasa bersalahnya jd lebih besar, jg krn imajinasi liar td.

jd besok2 tk hrs lebih mendisiplinkan diri. compared to a lot lot working mother, this is already been good about me working mostly at home, able to keep watching and being a companion. dan kata working harus digarisbawahin. im not supposed to stop at this point and i have to make it work. nggak bisa sebentar-sebentar distract. di komputer inget shaka. sama shaka inget komputer. damn not good for both, and for myself, considering inappropriate additional sleep at the morning, slow connection while nursing, extra coffee for recharging at evening, and a less shower time :d

jd habis ini sekalian ditertibkan aja waktunya ya mas ya... biar kalo sama mashaka mama bnr2 cuma sama mashaka dan bisa konsentrasi *percayalah, kalo main dan megang bayi yg anak sendiri emg perlu -dan pingin- totalitas*, dan kalo komputeran bisa optimal dan tanpa rasa bersalah. jadi nanti sepagian mama sama mashaka, komputer br on mulai makan siang sampe mandi sore, mashaka sama mbaknya. habis mandi mama sama mashaka lagi, komputeran lagi kalo mashaka bobo.

fyuh, tk masih payah bgt adaptasinya ya. masih perlu selotip sinisana utk penyesuaian, pun masih pake pusing sinisana juga dulu... sabar ya mas, tungguin mamanya sampe pinter bagi waktu dan bisa nunjukin secara pas maksud mama. bahwa mama sayang shaka dan sebener2nya *pingin* sama shaka terus. dan bahwa mama jg ada sesuatu yg harus dilakukan, dan *pingin* bisa mama lakukan dgn baik. pada kesempatan ini mashaka yg temenin mamapapanya ber ju ang, mau? ^.^ amin amin amin.

peluk sayang... my happy pill. my personal recharger. my energy booster. my only partner.

oia, i'll make it official. kmrn tk resmikan sbg hari pertama mashaka udh bisa tengkurep sendiri beneran secara sadar. sudah divideoin bbrp tengkurep perdananya. hihihi... belum lincah sih, tapi udah bisa ^^v

patah.lumpuh.pasrah

rasanya seperti nggak ada lg yg bs dilakukan. yg bs diceritakan. diharapkan ^^ rasanya sekali2 headlinesnya negatif nggak pa2. im doing human.

...
...

besok shaka 2 minggu

hari pertama kedua di rs mamanya masih plegmatis, bolelah masnya dikerubungin banyak org >p
mau pulang dari rs agak patah hati... asinya kurang... cuma bisa diem aja dengerin mashaka harus minum sufor... nggak tega sama rewelnya setelah bbrp hari masnya selalu tenang dan menyenangkan, ngertiin mamanya...
hari ketiga mashaka yang juga hari pertama di rumah dan malam taun baru 2010 mamanya nangis smp sembab... yangtinya sabotase kamar, papanya nggak peka, kan mamanya mau juga mau waktu untuk peluk keluarga kecilnya sendirian aja...
pun omanya ikut rewel nasehatin ini itu huruhara sendiri bikin pusing, mamanya jadi repot mengurus-menenangkan-dan menetralisir suasana, padahal mamanya masih mau main-main sama masnya aja, dan sama-sama bersyukur sama papanya... >_<

habis itu di bbrp hari berikutnya belum apa2 langsung rusuh =D
kadang-kadang tk yg sederhana ini sptnya memang sangat pintar utk bikin (menemukan) masalah deh...

habis itu ada waktu mamanya putus asa karena asinya nggak bisa bikin masnya bobo enak
ada waktu mamanya menghela nafas krn belum bisa apa2, pasrah ngeliatin masnya ada di tangan-tangan lain yang lebih fasih ngurusin masnya
ada waktu mamanya berkaca-kaca kalo lagi kasih asi, satu-satunya hal yg tangan-tangan lain itu cuma bisa pasrah, satu2nya hal cuma bisa dikerjain mamanya, yang itupun belum optimal...
ada waktu mamanya baikan karena support dan keyakinan papanya untuk segera bisa jadi mama yang baik buat masnya, untuk bisa bikin asi yg cukup, untuk ikut bangun, ada terus, dan bantuin ini itu yang cupu-cupu, termasuk pijitin kaki yg suka terasa pegel aneh waktu lg kasih asi ;p

ada waktu mamanya sedih karena rasanya susah bikin seneng omanya
ada waktu mamanya minder karena merasa diragukan eyangnya
ada waktu mamanya sebel karena nggak bisa memutuskan dan melakukan sesuatu yang bener2 cuma buat masnya aja
ada terlalu banyak orang untuk dihargai dan diperhatikan, terlalu banyak pesan untuk didengarkan, gyah terlalu banyak keributan yang seliweran xp

sabar ya mas... hihihi ^^ mamanya bulan ini mau tutup mata tutup telinga, cuma ada buat masnya aja, hwah... my baby deserves every single love hes got, and so i'll take whatever it takes... sementara mamanya mau sebel dlm hati aja... orang-orang nih, berebutan mau jadi orang yang paling perhatian dan penyayang,
jadi mamanya mau bisikin masnya aja,
gapapa sayang, mama disini terus kok sama-sama shaka ya...

hari ini mamanya seneng karena di tengah-tengah masnya tidur sempet kebangun dan nangis dikit, tapi begitu mamanya dateng, cuma dateng dan bilangin kalo mamanya ada disini kok sama pegang tangannya sebentar, masnya langsung diem dan tidur lagi ^^

berdoa

yang terbaik untuk shaka

yang terbaik untuk kami

ya Tuhan ya

atas diri

atas nama

atas orang tua

atas rumah

atas keluarga

dan semesta dalam lindungan

penuh peluk dan sayang

atas ketulusan

atas keberanian

atas kebijakan

atas kedamaian

atas kebahagiaan

dan semesta dalam kebaikan

penuh senyum dan cinta

langkah hanyalah doa

kami hanyalah berserah

padaMu ya Tuhan ya

: tk mau peluk ya Tuhan...

something in my throat

:and push me uptight

the time is close
and still i couldnt imagine

its not the pain haunting
but the eyes surrounding

while i will own my time by the time is coming
eventually not for the rest after delivering

:sigh

consciousness knocking
only to you i could count

and to him i could fall
turn my head and my heart off

:hug

and to you my dear who i will always see
and i will always watch no matter what

is the magic spell that i always whisper
words i wish you to recognize sometimes sooner

:smile

god is good
life is good
love is good
you are good

:chuckle

its just that i love you
both

masih ttg box bayi >_<

adeeeek... kalo kamu pilih yg mana sebenernyaaaa...
tadi mlm mengira2 mekanismenya kalo kamu tidur di matras doang, di lantai, tapi kok kynya ga tega... ehk... smp mimpi...

terus tadi liat web box bayi kayu...

di baby belle
bagus... tapi mahal... tapi bagus buat adeknya... tapi mahal >_<
apalagi yang tipe angela atau winston... mamanya sangat suka... sptnya kalo adeknya udh gedean pun masih bisa buat duduk2 main dan nyimpen barang...
yg paling masuk akal *sekaligus paling murah* adlh yg tipe chelsea atau christopher... itupun udah 1,85jt... tapi desain dan standard baby belle emg udh bagus si... bahannya aja mahogani...

di topbgt
standard lah... box bahan kayu ramin... harga jauh di bawah baby belle... sdh ckp mungkin ya buat adeknya... secara papamamanya jg pake matras aja :p
yg lumayan yg seri HK066 without box atau seri HK1008...

hfuuuh adek... kamu mau yg mana...
yg kayu atau yg portable...
mamanya nggak sabar nungguin papanya pulang ngeliat box 2nd yg masih harus direnov itu... >_<

dilema box adek

uh... pilih yg mana baiknya...

box kayu ayu
karena bahannya kayu harapannya bisa direnov, mgkn tampilan dan kekuatannya bs ter-upgrade... meski usianya sdh hampir 20 tahun...
tapi kalo box kayu sbnrnya agak ragu jg krn kalo udh ga kepake susah nyimpennya... kok sptnya tdk efisien... ya biar ntar diliat mviko dulu deh bs diefektifkan sejauh apa...

kecuali kalo desainnya begini :D
tapi yg ini harganya 3,6jt... hihihi... nggak lah...

mothercare travelcot - cloud
suka modelnya, simpel, harga kaskus 650rb, sptnya affordable, mothercare pun, insy kualitas ok, spt reviewnya
tapi ini ga ada bassinet buat newbornnya... padahal maunya sekali beli dapet semua...

graco pack n' play playard
modelnya lumayan, ga terlalu bermotif, warna ckp netral, tapi emg masih agak printilan sih, kecuali yg tipe Kensley ini. sejauh ini sebenernya ini yg paling best deal... 780rb harga online, fungsi komplit, ada bassinet-cot-dan compact, portable...
tapi mviko kynya ga terlalu suka... berharap dikadoin anak2 aja apa ya :D ada sih di wishlist yg sdh dipublish...

mothercare bassinette and travelcot
dan ini adalah yg paling menggiurkan. mviko jg sptnya akan suka... mothercare cot yg ada bassinetnya. polos dan simpel...
tapi secara barangnya rada2 ga massal sptnya, harganya sama pedagang kaskus aja 1,7 jt *nanyanya pun by request*, blm ditawar si, tapi blm apa2 udah hampir 3x lipat sama yg travelcot tanpa bassinette seperti di atas... padahal bassinette dipakenya paling lama setahun aja, habis itu ga dipake lagi...

kasur matras kecil :D
yg paling masuk akal untuk dibeli sekarang adalah yg ini.... harganya sptnya 200rb-an saja... fungsional, aman, dan portable juga tho... habis dipikir2 emg perlu wadah tidur khusus buat adek, biarpun adeknya cepet gede juga... kan biar adek bisa belajar bobo sendiri, dan ga kesempitan di kasur mamapapanya yg cuma lebar 120 :D
hihihi, ya mgkn sbg usaha, kalo bisa ukurannya disesuaiin sama box ayu... meski kemaren sambil rada ngantuk dan gelap2an pas ngukurnya, kayanya si ukuran boxnya 60cm-an x 120cm-an...

real hug and thank you

i like doing chores for my baby, its not like im doing push-ups
i cant stand being noticed all the time, dont bother to keep walking while im around

i like doing clean-ups, im not in a rush though
i cant stand being served too much yet i couldnt refuse, you can ask before do me a favor

i realize and count every move im doing, i do realize too i have a newborn to be inside me
i cant stand being judged about my capability, you can ask instead of judge

im a laid-back person and you know it, so dont worry im forcing myself too far
i cant stand being told about what i feel, dont ask if you cant hear

i know this is big, and even bigger
i cant stand being warned all the time, i have limits and i can stop myself

i also count my times, and i know when is to stop
i cant stand being dictated, just dont pretend to ask

i definately hear you and everyone, those things i know are for the best
i cant stand being ordered, you are all sometimes somehow a way too far

please shower me those loves, infos, knowledges, advices, those things i desperately need
then you can hug and please, let me do the rest

ps:
ive actually passed this term at my worst, but still this feeling slightly comes sometimes
umm yea i know you love us that much , thats what i count on ^^

name list

camilo, camille - latin - free born child, noble

lucia - latin, italia - light

shilo - hebrew - gift

shaka - african - leader

shia - hebrew - praise god

alegra - latin - cheerful

callia, calla - greek - beautiful

kaia - greek - earth

chaka - african - warrior

toya - indian - water

akina - japanese - springflower

grey - english - grey

chiara - italian - light

sachi - japanese - child of joy

senna - arabian - bright light

week 34

still rounding in my head...

adalah kontrakan di sekitar tanah calon rumah ^^
dan tempat tidur adek... blum sempet2 liat lungsuran ayu...

permata adora bintaro 15jt/thn

baby box kayu 800rb-1,1jt

travelcot mothercare (tanpa bassinet) 650rb cek
atau
travelcot bassinet graco 780rb cek

6in1 baby carrier infantino (masih utk nanti sih ^^) 400rb cek
atau
3-position baby carrier mothercare 499rb cek

sterilize dish dryer panasonic (ngrembet ^^) 570rb
*sterilizer yg crown buat kado wina/resell? hihihi...