wishfulthinking

am still thinking about what i could wish and pray for my son's birthday. and of all his ups and downs lately, i really cant find a special spot left for me to fulfill. yes maybe its the mom-thing that i could always find the goods of all his trait and else. but at least for this moment, if theres really anything urgent enough for a miraculous wish. its not upon him.

we the parents, need it a lot more this time :) sorry kid. this year wishes, go to us. why? because we pray specially for you everyday already anyway. why us? because we are yours anyway. why again? because you actually are already a perfect complete whole.

supaya mama papa selalu dan semakin sabar untuk melihat dan mendengar. selalu dan semakin bijak untuk bicara dan bertindak. selalu dan semakin manis untuk menenangkan dan menyenangkan. selalu dan semakin hangat untuk tempat pulang dan berkembang. selalu dan semakin kuat untuk menjaga dan terjaga. hati dan pikiran. ucapan dan perbuatan. supaya selalu penuh hormat dan kasih sayang. dengan keberanian dan ketulusan. di dalam kebenaran dan kebaikan. senantiasa dekat dan bersama-sama Allah SWT. 

of all the goods and bads, may us being the best and most compatible mother-father to you dear kiddo. that is how in the end, may it all coming back to you :) love is a strong word. i just hope its strong enough to fulfill this wish for you. 

welcoming 5 years old kid

good morning my soon-no longer-a baby kid. my all time favorite boy. my number one in the world :) selamat pagi mas...

before you entering the age of start remembering (i assumed), there are certain things id like to tell. things id wish you to know. things for least i need to deliver :)

your father and your mother arent the very best people in the world. we arent even the most adorable person, as you may think so :) we have flaws, so many. we make mistakes, so often. we hate and hurt people, in a particular sometimes... 

your father and your mother arent always the most wise and know-it-all. we most of the times, are just trying to figure out things :) things to do with us, with you, with other peoples, the world. we most of the times are just praying and working, for things to work out, right and good, as smooth as possible.

yes, those might sounds uneasy. but no matter what the truth is, thats actually not my point. the thing is, that no matter what, still you will always have us. even in a gazillion stars distance, or in a tiniest piece of rain second, or in a darkest blindness of moment, or even in a flaming hell of a bursting anger. you will always have us. or in simpler way, we are actually yours.

then come the second thing. that you are actually way moooore beyond all that. since the very beginning to the very last, you will always have your own, Shaka Trah Semesta :) well, we dont name you after ours. and if its happened, naming you after something, its the universe. but no, its not about how huge it is. its even actually about only a blink of eye. time when you have to get back to your inner self. that you already have it all within yourself. your universe. its about faith :) 

“Inama Amruhu Idza Arada Sya’ian An Yaqula Lahu Kun Fayakun” (QS. Yasin: 82).

your father and your mother arent the most noble and religious person. its kinda unnecesarry to tell our belief assumed :) but all we know is that Allah SWT been so kind to us. like all the time. fulfilling every slit and slot of our life. and its been ultimately genius and wonderfully crafted. there how i know that Allah SWT love us. like so much. and never stop. no matter what. and these all, includes you. its so magical that how can we not love back.

life is good, mas. we will always around. Allah will always with you. and more than anything, you will actually always have yourself. do love, and things will find a way.
to be true, to be kind, to be good, to be happy. 

we all love you, infinity times infinity.

year of a blast

this year seems like a blast :) in so many way. not saying things were all pretty and smooth, but each of it is countful. what i've been through are days of dazzling and dynamics set of activities. 

dreams were raising up

realistic goals to be pursuit

bunch of new friends and peers

they are all lovely yet easy

passions were recalling

imagination clearly setting up

new cool chores are awaiting

life is moving taking me in

dearest families lay around the corner

world is becoming more make sense

and as i turn around still i see them cuddly

within the smell and warmth i would always miss

juli lalu shaka resmi TK A :) sekolahnya pagi, jam 8-11.30. mandarin seminggu 3x, sand box time seminggu sekali, masuk gerbang sekolah sendiri, keluar sekolah sendiri, antri satu-satu, toilet time sendiri pada waktu yg ditentukan, mulai ada rewards and specially punishment, guru dan temen sekelas yg sama selama setahun, goal bukan lagi cuma mengerti topik dan bisa jawab pertanyaan, tapi juga berpartisipasi dan berpendapat.

secara umum...... tambah pecicilan. banget. yg agak menghibur adalah pertanyaannya juga ikut semakin canggih. perhatian dan ketertarikan sama sistem mekanikal, per-angka-an, pola (kategori science mungkin?) dan main ngobrol sama orang-orang baru terutama kakak2 yg lbh besar, ngajak kenalan orang di mana-mana, mingle di lingkungan baru (kategori sosial?) dua itu keliatan sekali progressnya :D selain itu juga tampak mulai mengerti pentingnya menahan diri. kalau marah, tidak suka, sedih, rules, restriction. mulai bukan balita lagi. mulai jadi anak-anak. laki-laki. 

 

he will be 5 by the end of this year though. then, not to mention how well he does it (which is ...lets say we definitely are proud parents) but most importantly, he loves it! Hope he keeps improving and grows more enthusiasm. and may there always innate a kind and sincere heart :)

there is another big thing. later i think i would have a longer version to tell. not a very easy nor pretty one actually. but lers just have faith :)

this august itself by the way, is not another big thing. our 6th anniversary. me with the man of no sweet and heartmelting words but an ultimate guidance and companion :) love and whatever good it is, may it is mutual, for eternal. its not another big thing. its the thing :)

happy neigh year

chinese new year holiday it is, am borrowing sissy's laptop at night. a bit realizing that cant really write blog from cellphone, even iphone :)
and am just in the right mood to write. i knew it when i got my baby sleep in my old childhood bedroom, next to my brother's bedroom, which is just being cleared up. the room that used to be messily tidy, with some unwritten restrictions and lots of knickknacks toys. its now just some room where you're allowed to jump in. just wondering what kind of room it will be later.
i smell an abstinence. not that its a bad thing. he's growing up. like life's been as always. well, i haven't even updated my baby's milestones at his 4th birthday. but the highlight for me is that he's being very chatty lately and his english is so much improved. i kinda believe he could survive a conversation with a foreigner already.

and then...
yea, i switched to iphone 4 in november,
thats by the time fufa lost his 4S and switched to iphone 5,
baby turned 4 on december29,
brother just got married onJanuary 26,
sister graduated her college 2 days before,
license to build our home is released in december,
new investor on our way,
by the end of last year tda arcindo died,
its now td + associates,
im 62 kilos and trying to survive,
wanted to do some book project,
still fighting to have my regular exercise,
and on my way convincing oma to move to bintaro
^__^
 
and of all these, as basically i dont know if i could ever again feel enough by saying thank you, i... took break. what i know is that i have to keep improving. early in this year, i hardly mind about my mouth, my words, my way speaking my thoughts. i decided i wanna be wiser.
not so long ago, someone i trust told me that i have tendency to stop at only identifying, minus solving or acting things out. it knocks me, that i can see how it happens to me, although together with bunch of reasons and excuses crossing my head. damn i dont know how to be wiser. in fact, i dont know what i could do with this new consciousness, that its not enough even to realize that realizing in not enough and so on ...sigh.
but hey... i know that every little things count. one thing lead to another. and we are all connected. and i know that wasnt even close words to such a wiser me, except i stop. to do is what i do. bismillah...
You throw me happiness through my loveliest surrounding persons, please help me to answer them. i want to gather all myself for good. for peoples i love, the world i live in, communities in need, and You whose never let go of me. im not forgetting my effort to be appeared more proper at any day. and i wish i could hold on this another new one. i will be wiser. sincerely nicer. amen.

dear sunshine

being (trying) not very chatty lately,

i found this song is perfect for your 4th birthday back then. 

hihi. your lullaby, our song, eternally.

you are my sunshine

my only sunshine

you make me happy

when skies are grey

you never know dear

how much i love you

please dont take

my sunshine away

baby, all you gotta do is shine ^^