wishfulthinking

am still thinking about what i could wish and pray for my son's birthday. and of all his ups and downs lately, i really cant find a special spot left for me to fulfill. yes maybe its the mom-thing that i could always find the goods of all his trait and else. but at least for this moment, if theres really anything urgent enough for a miraculous wish. its not upon him.

we the parents, need it a lot more this time :) sorry kid. this year wishes, go to us. why? because we pray specially for you everyday already anyway. why us? because we are yours anyway. why again? because you actually are already a perfect complete whole.

supaya mama papa selalu dan semakin sabar untuk melihat dan mendengar. selalu dan semakin bijak untuk bicara dan bertindak. selalu dan semakin manis untuk menenangkan dan menyenangkan. selalu dan semakin hangat untuk tempat pulang dan berkembang. selalu dan semakin kuat untuk menjaga dan terjaga. hati dan pikiran. ucapan dan perbuatan. supaya selalu penuh hormat dan kasih sayang. dengan keberanian dan ketulusan. di dalam kebenaran dan kebaikan. senantiasa dekat dan bersama-sama Allah SWT. 

of all the goods and bads, may us being the best and most compatible mother-father to you dear kiddo. that is how in the end, may it all coming back to you :) love is a strong word. i just hope its strong enough to fulfill this wish for you. 

welcoming 5 years old kid

good morning my soon-no longer-a baby kid. my all time favorite boy. my number one in the world :) selamat pagi mas...

before you entering the age of start remembering (i assumed), there are certain things id like to tell. things id wish you to know. things for least i need to deliver :)

your father and your mother arent the very best people in the world. we arent even the most adorable person, as you may think so :) we have flaws, so many. we make mistakes, so often. we hate and hurt people, in a particular sometimes... 

your father and your mother arent always the most wise and know-it-all. we most of the times, are just trying to figure out things :) things to do with us, with you, with other peoples, the world. we most of the times are just praying and working, for things to work out, right and good, as smooth as possible.

yes, those might sounds uneasy. but no matter what the truth is, thats actually not my point. the thing is, that no matter what, still you will always have us. even in a gazillion stars distance, or in a tiniest piece of rain second, or in a darkest blindness of moment, or even in a flaming hell of a bursting anger. you will always have us. or in simpler way, we are actually yours.

then come the second thing. that you are actually way moooore beyond all that. since the very beginning to the very last, you will always have your own, Shaka Trah Semesta :) well, we dont name you after ours. and if its happened, naming you after something, its the universe. but no, its not about how huge it is. its even actually about only a blink of eye. time when you have to get back to your inner self. that you already have it all within yourself. your universe. its about faith :) 

“Inama Amruhu Idza Arada Sya’ian An Yaqula Lahu Kun Fayakun” (QS. Yasin: 82).

your father and your mother arent the most noble and religious person. its kinda unnecesarry to tell our belief assumed :) but all we know is that Allah SWT been so kind to us. like all the time. fulfilling every slit and slot of our life. and its been ultimately genius and wonderfully crafted. there how i know that Allah SWT love us. like so much. and never stop. no matter what. and these all, includes you. its so magical that how can we not love back.

life is good, mas. we will always around. Allah will always with you. and more than anything, you will actually always have yourself. do love, and things will find a way.
to be true, to be kind, to be good, to be happy. 

we all love you, infinity times infinity.