little missy

Sometimes I wonder how I could survive missing you far away there...

I've been busy for quite a while. I left a lot of things. Events, moments, milestones, and of course, thoughts.

Nanananana... Where should I start...

1st, I think I started to tweet actively since yesterday. I kinda got the 'click' already. Now I sorta understood about what nesha said about blogging in twitter. Due to my lack of time updating this blog or even my daily journal, I guess, yes twitter could be an effective mini blog. But yeah, unconsidering the followers though. But ah, my necessity seem more urgent than that, at least for now, when I don't have any system working yet. I don't want to run out of moments no more... Its sadful. A big loss to me...

2nd, I miss my boys. One of them is surviving his worklife in the jungle, and the other growing up so fast that I can't barely notice every single changes. Its annoying, yet so amusing. Watching every inch of him still feels amazing. Seeing and remembering how he could be delivered here also still feel like a bless. I don't want to forget that, while I began to miss a little bit of this and that. Such as the erruption of the 5th tooth... No matter how cheesy it could be sound, still its very, I mean VERY annoying.

Fuh... The he's in the jungle is always be my best medicine. Ah... Haven't I told about the delivery ya... Earlier then I was remember about his saying right after the delivery, that I was so good and he were so proud of me. Yea, those formal and tipical words that you could easily adopt from a movie scene or magazine. Its just that I know that he's not that smart to lie, he's not that passionated to be such a sweet, and he's even obviously not that smart to control himself by the time. And so, yes I could take those saying from him truthfully.
It makes me think, after all achievements and else, that's the 1st time I really proud of myself. I mean, ME proud with myself, and like it. That's what came to my mind at the night after my baby was born. So this is it what to be proud is. And it feels right, the way I like it.
I had it even double. 1st, I proud that I could make him proud. 2nd, I proud that I could bring the baby good. 3rd, I proud that the baby is mine, ours. Yea, of all the reasons I ever had to be proud, I wonder why I pick those 3 reason.
1st- he might just say it emotionally, 2nd- no actually the process definitely not that smooth, I don't breathe properly (not because of I forgot nor losing control, but I've tried and I failed that its too hurt I can't barely managed), and the 3rd reason- really sounds selfish to me :p (yea let's face it, I make a good friend with contradiction since I don't know when but its already quite long).

But no matter how absurd it sounds, as I said before, I felt damn proud, and it feels right, and I like it. No other comparison. Thank you for both of my boys. I really do hope it could lead me to something good for both of you too. That I could answer your belongs with us here nicely, and that I could bring the pride your father has given to me into reality. And I guess, I would try to proove my rightness to be proud, for let's say, yea, my whole life. Um...yea, I usually don't let my self happy that easy. Its an illness.

Ah... So many things still rounding. And the night started to weigh on my eyes. Um.... I love you ya.