its a secret. that i had my head empty for sometimes. and i bite my tongue as i say goodbye on the phone. hold my breath, and burning eyes. or else it would sounds like sorrow. because its not. i just miss him. as i know he must have been missing me more. missing us. missing home. i just hope i didnt make this sounds so sad. because it didnt meant to. its just me, writing like a girl.
^_^
this is kinda cute actually, do you know. its 10 o'clock at night. and the lights are already off. there still is a dvd inside my player. i can hear the sounds of the clock ticking. and some securities out there are going around the blocks. my last shower was this morning. still wearing my grey roll-on t-shirt from topshop. and teared away short jeans from my sister. sitting on my
laptop and typing with one hand only, while the other support my cheek. am missing a lover. just like a girl, isnt it.
and on the other side, i cen tell. there is this baby adorably sleeping inside his soft knitted blanket from mothercare, beneath a dim yellow light in my room. oh im so ready for a whine. the room is a bit messy, i let the toys spread around the play corner there. and the smells, my room smells so baby-ish. one world you would let your self drowned in. and i can hear too, the sitter is ironing clothes back there, my clothes, my baby' clothes. just like what you have at home. shes doing her overtime. its sounds pretty real too, isnt it.
^_*
its like live in 2 different world sometimes. not that its not fun. and not that its special really. its just common, right. one time i could just swing and fly, and another time i cook and bake. one time i would babbling and being stupidly chatty, another time i gotta be firmly straight and strict. there also time when im in between. i mean, its like... um...yesterday i washed my baby's ride. cool stroller ever really, oh yeah, i was definitely in the mood. so, me, wearing that thin yellow bali shirt and blue tank inside it, with a grey sleep short washed it in my garage. while my baby played with his sitter next to me. watching and playing. we had a quite nice evening back then.
um, can you see that. i mean, me, the master, the mother, washing the damn dirty ride, at my own front door. and what do i wash again? a baby stroller. isnt it seems a bit unmatch? um. i prefer to say its a cuteness. im in the mood of washing, playing with water, and so i wash, no matter who i am. just like when i was a child, who would care anyway? mom's will deal it. haha. its just that i was washing my baby's stroller.now, im the mom. haha.
^o^
i miss him. i miss we being chatty about unimportant thing. i miss we doing the sweetness of doing nothing. i miss me, unpurposedly play around the house nagging you. i miss you, have nothing to do and hungry and so you cook. i miss us, pathatically unfed by me, so we do experiments in the kitchen. i miss us, lying on the bed, cuddling. as our hands raised away, and a bit of rambles. we bubbled into the sky. there are days when im missing you like a girl. and now, although im writing like a girl, im going to say, i miss myself missing you like a girl.
i miss preparing your breakfast, setting up your schedules, coordinating myself to you. organizing clothes so that its easy to pick and had its best timing to be wear. randomly going somewhere finding something. choosing menu. i miss having our endless morning lazy hugs and kisses. rubs on your cheeks. the weight of your arms upon me. your palms that always warmer than mine. or noticing you got into the bed at night, throw a little bit of unconscious hugs before go to sleep again. those little random things of us. i miss them.
=)
the relieving fact is, if the feelings coming out because we are separatedly far, or is it because its-time already, i dont really care. we are still the best family i ever known so far. and i hope it will still be like that for ever. that it includes you my forever baby boy.
having you with us, really is one big shot. we grow together shall we? i mean having those feeling, and seeing you sleeping in our bed, are magicly felt like a greatest gift somehow. it might sounds very contradictory, but these all, i mean this cute feeling of being bubbling, tasted wonderful. not only its becoming one good way to remind me how good your father is. or to remind us how great us is. it also to remind that little knick-knacks wouldnt do any harm, but some random imperfections that making us just perfect. and id be thankful for that. do you get me? nah...
forget it. having these all at a time really is a bless. that was the only point so far. then its on me, on us, to keep it alive. the blissful love, the blessful life, and everythings. thats all.
:fingercrossed:
