blog

hey, after a while, i found this new blogger interface :) nice...

hmmm, lots to tell... and as usual cant define it good :) but i think i want to talk about friends at first. yeah , of all things happen, of all my deadlines, of all the milestones.

what is friend to me? i was just asking it today. and here now im not going to answer it, i just want to describe where does it come from :) hmmm, well after being a mom, blogwalking is kinda being a kinda refreshing time for me. i wont fake myself saying theyre a friend, although sometimes when i quote their saying, i said i knew it from a friend ( because it would sounded geeky if i told the truth ;p and i might have to bubbling more about that), but well... they on my reading list, been a good friend to me :) bless them. an awesome thing that could be happened when u write. my purest motivation to write (as a professional, not here), to make someone else feel better, like what happened to me after several readings from several particulars. its just too bad that i couldnt be as brave as them yet to (publish) my writings, yet. not only the matter of the lack of writing confidence, but also my consciousness that my bubbling style of talking wasnt something easy or fun to read :p i write for myself, here thats what i do, form follow function... heheh, stop about that.

then today i found out, that i have amazing names on my reading list. like amazing names on my (real) friend list. ok, real friend, u might not pick them yourself, there's a matter of destiny there, considering u cant just delete or edit them as u want. but reading list? hnah... considering who i used to be and what i used to think... its kinda surprising that i dont choose anyone 'good' enough to stay on my reading list, regarding how delightful i am when sometimes i found them on the web. peoples with one hell of a brain and thoughts, and seems not finding any difficulties to spread it along the page. peoples i adore, peoples i envy, peoples i think are may be super great. its not them on my list. people on my list are those ordinary people with ordinary writings and daily crap :) i can tell it really. they are busy talking about sale, lunch, their children fall from a bed, gosipping their friends, and every shallow things you can tell. and definitely not a blog like mine. theyre also sometimes sucks and seems silly with their thought, had me raising my eyebrows like crazy. i oftenly disagree with their thoughts, but its no biggies.
maybe i passed that moment already, to that wacky world of words :) this morning i found one hell of a blog (again). someone with great thoughts and else, leave alone her personality. but then it makes me think. it influences me too much, its like, i dont know am i enlightened or am i bedazzled. it my flaws to be easily distracted, yes. my today becoming grey, until then i found this another blog on my reading list. she is super drama queen, big mouth with big head, bravest girl and mom i ever knew, although people might define it as... sicky ot nuts i dont know. she wrote something... i dont know, i cant even remember what it is :D gotta be something about her delightful family vacation. and then, voila, my mood seems brighter!
i might be such a weak person, but things like these, could really made my day. i like it how they could remind me about how blessed i am :) its like, i might not have the cutest super-loving spouse, or maybe some good special skill of my own, or babies with adorable attitude and any other sweet habbits... i won't say any of that. but im still blessed, and have the right to say that i am, blessed, big time. they remind me that shit happens, but life go on, and there's still so many thing that is wonderful, and shit still happens anyway, but life  again, go on :) its not fake. positivity, i think thats their good influence to me. never ending big thanks. thats how a stupid unprofessional writing could change your life :) think thats why im not very good in writing when im in the middle of something ugly. because, i might not be able to bring out my positivity.
now that im writing, it doesnt mean that im totally leaving all the uglies :) its just that i have something good in my mind already. haha... yea, it was so dark uphere for months, if u noticed my absence lately :D

hmmm, here, let me tell you. i might not able to say so much sweet sparkling words about my family right now, but they really are good peoples... :D haha, ugly statement i know. im not good at this and i dont know how to say it right. hmmm... i wouldnt mind if my life attached to them or their life attached to me, no matter what, for ever. i wouldnt mind being labelled by the name of them, or at worst, i wouldnt mind if being with them means losing my individual identity... :p what about that.... hehe, i couldnt find anything else cute to say...

well, basicly, i think i would be at my ultimate happiest if --- na ah, i cant say it here :p
i just love them. thats all. remember that. always.

no mercy

i want to watch the movie harry potter

i want to watch the movie eclipse

i want to watch the movie x men

i want to finish reading the book children are from heaven

i want to buy and read (again) some other female magazine

i want to stroll in the morning

i want to do sunbathing in the afternoon

i want to eat a joy flavour ice cream

i want to buy you my favorite ice cream

i want to eat junkfood with a little cute guilt

i want to sail the city in the smell of freedom

i want to simply hold your hand like freedom

i want to have my dvd night again

i want to share my favorite movie to you

i want to do yoga again

i want to blog, the result is almost the same for me

i want to go shopping by myself

i want to go alone without feeling alone

i want to have that old wise friend in you

i want to crazily redecorate my house and my house-to-be

i want to have those silly fight about that house

i want to be complained in any crazy decision ive made

i want to feel free to love

i want to love you, without hesitate

i want you

and this is all about me and what i do

and oh yeah actually i dare to do everything.

too ready for a fall

im tired. like everyone else.
i write words, many times, just to delete it again. the substance is the same.
seasons change. we oftenly screwed, each other. but still, its easier for me to deal with you, than with myself, as usual. and so its kinda impossible for me to forgive myself.
that i feel like now i won't be surprised if u hate me, or worse.
that i feel like im ready to love u alone, by myself, as i used to do with peoples back then before.
i love u i love u i love u. and i dont need anything else. to make u suffer will never be my objective. id rather go.

i love him. and trust him. more than everyone i ever known. and im not telling this for him to stay. im telling this to show how screwed i am. and the choice is his.

good morning dawn ^^

helolalalala...

been through some issues, dont know where to start, dont know what to scratch, dont know if its end :p hihihi... lets just look upahead and pray.

god bless u, god bless me, god bless us and else i know :) lets just work and fight for tomorrow.

i might like to ramble, it might happen like scramble, but who know who care now :p i might not do ignore, but we, i know could do better.

im in a deep cough, never been through this before. thats for sure. together with my gastro problem coming. and my period, 1st period after my new IUD. what a combo, yes i know thats weird -___-' but yeah, may this bring something good instead. together with the whole house down rite now. the late-coming maid with a threat of flu, the try-to-gain-some-weight toddler had a flu (again!), and the man of the house troubled with his leg, double combo!

it cant happen be for just nothing, or i dont care what, but something good :p

yeah, its spring, im dying for something good ^^

@dailybread

This place is beautiful, calm, and quiet. Remind me of my old library at school back then. Each and every library, they have the same similarity of nuance and atmosphere. Its too bad that now I can't have my another library for free :p

This place is like a sanctuary. Place where I can rest my mind, body, and soul. Place where I don't have to hide behind a book, cup of tea or an imaginary friend, but some cost I have to pay at the front door. Then I can hang my head or simply asleep. Just me :)

This kind of place is always wonderful. Or used to be one, I don't know. Guess its the matter of the way I see it. There always be part of me being mesmerized by it. But there always be too part of me feeling stupid to feel it :p just like one psychedelic junkie who's enjoying the beauty of an abstinence, local emptiness.

This place will always be wonderful though. No matter what good company I'll bring in. Must I bring one and lost the magic? Must I lost the magic to be woke up? Must I woke up to have one? :) I know, its not about the absolute beauty of this place. Its about the presence of a good company. Of heart, and time.