hari terakhir di kantor mga sebagai pegawai. nggak usah ditanyalah gimana rasanya, nggak penting ^^
but anyhow, im going to be unemployed, thats what the matter is. not to mention any contract or vacancy waiting. this was the job i like and been doing it for almost 3 years. not to mention any unpleasant conditions, shit happens and its normal.
mudah-mudahan ini yg terbaik. mudah2an dgn ini tk bisa jadi tk yg lbh baik untuk keluarga kecil sayangnya.
agak gentar sbnrnya, bukan ttg kehilangan penghasilan jelas *secara gaji redaksi mga juga ga seberapa*, mgkn lebih ttg kehilangan hal untuk dilakukan. hal yg *rasanya* bisa menghubungkan tk dgn dunia *luar* yg kebetulan tk suka. hal yg adalah bagian dari cita-cita tk, seberapapun kecil porsinya. tanpa menyebutkan pekerjaan, atau aktivitas menghasilkan yg dipinginin kemudian, mudah-mudahan tk bs menjaga sisanya, yg masih sangat banyaaaak itu ^_^ cita-cita tk.
karena mama mau liat shaka tumbuh besar. karena mama mau wakilin papa liat shaka tumbuh besar.
bukan karena shaka nggak bisa ditinggal, karena nyatanya kmrn2 shaka pinter kok dirumah bantuin oma sama eyangnya sama mbaknya yg jagain
bukan karena nggak mau shaka lengket sama mbaknya, karena mama yakin ga diapa2in juga shaka pilih lengket sama mama papanya ^_*
weits, tp ga berarti mamanya bnr2 ga ada kegiatan ya mas ya ^_^
yea for this part mostly im doing it personally for myself. i do realize that i need particular time to go out without guilt. hihihi. mama still does need interludes to recharge herself. thats how she could keep cherishing the world, and life itself. reminding the goods, dealing the uglies, finding magics.
and in a very small part actually im doing it financially for papap. meski mgkn juga nantinya cuma bisa balik buat tk jajan doang, tp kan lumayan. hihihi. im sorry cant doing it any further fu, at least for now. nanti ya, nantiii, kalo mudah-mudahan insyaallah cita2 tk yang lainnya tercapai, i'll make you a bit more proud.
bukan karena nggak mau deket2 shaka terus, nggaklah, ini mah ga perlu dijelasin. karena mama mau terus menjadi baik, terutama di deket papa dan shaka yg mama selalu mau deket2.
bukan karena pingin bebas main-main sendirian, mama justru merasa paling bebas kalo lagi sama papa dan shaka kok.
tapi karena habis itu mama akan selalu punya banyaaaak hal baru untuk diliatin ke kamu berdua. hal-hal yg suka kelewatan kalo mama keasikan sama kalian. hihihi. di luar ada banyaaak yang hebat dab me nak jub kan sayang. mama kan harus bantuin kamu berdua untuk ingetin kaaaan ^*
i cannot do things that i dont like. its mean if im doing something, i do like it, or i already made myself liking it. so dont u dare to worry ^^ and anyway, right now i feel im already in the right circle. yea, im not saying the right track or path. this circle, design-writing-children-schooling-independent working, aren't they sounds familiar? i believe each of them has their own part for me. i'll wait ^^
nothing to lose, and i already have everything to hug though!
oh and one thing i remember. when in highschool, a friend ever asked.
"whats the thing that can stop you from reaching your dream?"
and rarely and unbelievably my answer was so solid.
"my other bigger dreams"
and i cant imagine another better answer. until now.
and here we are.
mid day sun day
