I dont want to talk about the world. That it almost certain, these past 2 years will be historical. All and all, the world globally is still in the covid era, so pretty much everything is still under construction, inside out. However locally, every now and then, covid seems quite away, alhamdulillah. And life already seems moved on, bring out several big adjustment i guess. Its the new normal they say; where things will never be the same anymore. This pandemic hits economically, socially, culturally. It kinda brings some kind of new pattern of living, new realization of self, new sense of perspective...
After i shocked myself for how dark i can write (after a pretty long while :")) again, and after i decided to undo it, for good, i have something concluded. We don't have forever to tell, to acknowledge and to deliver. When, insyaallah, in my case it was some good graceful renewal that i would choose to count or dwell in over anything gloomy grey, I supposed not to wait or delay writing it again.
In the beginning of this pandemic, i kinda wish that we will survive this well, gaining some inside strength and knowledge, so that anytime we can come back stronger. Its now been around 2 years since 1st covid hits in China. Almost 2 years since dear son went to school. But just recently, we human really started to have high hopes for life resumed back normally, or new normal, because yea, there are many life-changing stuff happened in the world. From humans wearing masks, to the latest is the meta verse, and still there are quite much in between... However I will just nod my stuffs. That it seems pretty weird if not bitter, but hopefully awesome, for it to happen just during this time.
I gain my 5 prayer routines :) its far from perfect. Im still struggling with praying outside home, but i really really hope i can improve that. As for now, this stay-at-home mindset is really helpful for me to make up them all. Its kinda easier to set up schedules around the time of the prayer, not the other way around like life before covid. May i could always guard them well, for the rest of my life...
The notable part is the fajr prayer, which was kinda my final struggle, after the other 4. I gain it by fulfilling request from dear husband who wanted to start his prayer too. When fajr was my hardest, he said it seems like the most delightful time to start. So he asked me to wake him up everyday to do his fajr pray... and so, how could i not :") bismillahirrahmanirrahim
Other than that, im back into yoga. Its been around 3 months, now i exercise pretty much everyday, well 5-6 days a week i'd say. No certain schedules, because i intend it to be in my daily routine, for life. Ive set up my mind. I like how it gives a good sense to my body, and mind and soul too, no matter how slow and low my progress toward skills and poses. Merely in a time like this, I see how i totally do need it. It really helps me making a better sense of life... Life goes up and down and age keeps on the go. Thats why in the long run, id dedicate it for peoples i love too. Me being healthy and sane (and sexy maybe ^__^) may it bring goodness for them too.
In the same route for my better physical condition, im now too giving more awareness towards my eating and metabolism. Yes im still in that level, raising awareness. And struggling too, due to my lifetime habbit for not being mindful at eating AND preparing a proper meal... so id really put this on my list, for a lifetime improvement.
Another related physical matter, also one of the reason why i would do everything above, for them all to be well sustained for life, is skincare matter. My lifetime hedgehog nose is now gone gone gone =D ive started doing facial treatment. Its quite a rob, but yes its impactful. And he said its just worth it. So lets just be happy about it. However i realize its not such a one night deal. May i can maintain that, inside out. Well like basically everything, i have a lot to work on ^^ i feel its a good thing tho.
Story in short is, i hope im on my way to be more sophisticated female person inside out, towards my duty as a wife, a mother, and abd of Allah SWT... The only one whom i found myself could and would lay myself on. The One who keep taking a good care of me, giving delighting signs and guides every now and then, whenever and however im being silly and weak and lost and flawful. The One who keep gifting me the greatest, to the point i think i couldnt or wouldnt articulate it... (because its so personally mindblowing) That all everything happened (for me), since the very first beginning, are (always) very meticulously well-crafted, and by far is trully for me.
For making me happy. For my goals, and greater goal, even without leaving out my worldy needs i missed out. For making this flawful me great, even in the way id like it to be... because He loves me, knows and understands me exactly, as no one ever be. That in my tough times it keeps tickling me hard, for how clueless i can be. And to Him is the only one i could always turning back, safely and peacefully... Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin.
This moment is kinda like my second chapter of life, in the theme of loving by the name of Allah SWT. I stumbled on this one phrase In one of the book package i got last month (which come in such incredible timing, again, since the very first time i found it, or it found me). Its about He is being Al Mughni, The Enricher, who can enrich us to the point that we can wholeheartedly love people, but ultimately our dependency is on Him. That phrase really got me personally. That someway somehow (finally) i can too wholeheartedly fell down down down, nothing to hide, nothing to lose, nothing left. Its like... even He lets me doing what i like, and still being available for me in the most beautiful and senseful way :" i dont mean to preach. Its just, how can i not. Laa ilaaha illallahu Allahu akbar...
I cry and tell and ask Him a lot lately O__O and what i ask is nothing less than the best, here and after. That if i go furthermore on my words here, due to my nature, i worry id become weak again. So really, basically bless is all that. For myself, for peoples i love and love me, for others, for myself toward others... i want to do right, and good, and nice, and really, nothing but the best for the others. Just because ~~~ i cant explain.
What i have to tell here is how thankful and grateful i am, of all everything happened recently. Maybe its an awkward gesture, but really, its kinda like a necessary revelation... however its so, tough ~~~ May i always able to keep on peacefully striving, progressing, fulfilling, for good, as best. May we always able to find our true ground and work it, for good, as best. All by the name of Allah SWT. Amen.
